A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I have a few questions in relation to my situation here. Basically I'm 16 years old and in high school.I have known a guy called Andy for a while, on the net. He's a really good person. Now before anyone even starts to warn me about all the possibilities of him lying and not being who he says he is and all the risks, I realise them. But there is one thing for certain, I know he's not an old man, as we have had web cam and voice conv's. OK so basically I really like him, he's so nice and we just go together. He also has expressed the same feelings back to me. I really do trust him. We have been talking for about 2 years I think it would be. And he is moving to the town where I live next year as he is joining the army! I'm so excited and we both want to meet up. But the problem is, my parents. Firstly they don't like the idea of me really going out with any guys and secondly, one who 'could be anyone' from the net is another reason why they wouldn't approve. My parents acceptance and blessing with everything I do in life is really important to me. It has always been and it wouldn't just feel right for me to go do something I know they wouldn't agree with. Even if it is safe and he is a great person, I would feel guilty. To extend on the issue of them just generally not liking me to go out with a guy, in some ways they do, like they didn't mind my last bf, even thoough they never met him, but they talked to my friends about him and I guess they trusted what they said about him. But the reason why they never met him was cause I was in a way embarrassed to talk to my parents about me having a bf even though they knew. It's hard for me to explain that feeling of embarrassment. I really don't know how to make it clearer. Yeah it's just like I'm embarrassed for them to think I even like a guy and stuff. And then even if my bf was to meet them there would be the issue of my family being embarrassing in a way of how they behave. My family always fight and yell in public and it's humiliating for me. They do it when I have friends over and everything. I've told them how I felt but I guess they jsut get caught up in the moment of anger and still do it, particularly my older sister. She just freaks out. My friends even pick on me for it because of how my sister has gotten really mad when they have been over. So yeah this brings up another issue of how I don't like even having friends over due to my family.I don't know what to do. Should I tell my parents about the guy I feel I am in love with online before I meet him? please help, thanks in advance.
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female
reader, happytochat +, writes (11 December 2005):
thanks for the advice male anonymous (10 december) and female anonymouse (10 december). I am feeling quite more confident about speaking to my parents about it now. Yet about introducing him to my family is still a issue to be yet resolved. I have previous tried telling my parents to talk to my sister about her behaviour and ive explained to them how humiliating it is and that i get very upset and they understand that. So they have talked to her, yet she hasnt changed. She still continues to do it all the time even though before I have friends over she promises to not do anything.
I suppose every family has there problems hey and maybe he will understand. And I couldnt probbaly 'warn' him about it before hand and try to amke him understand.
thanks again guys, very much appricated.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2005): It sounds like you're having a tough time at the moment. You're parents are just being overprotective, they don't want to see their little girl growing up. You need to sit down and discuss this with them. When they are both in a good mood, and have nothing to do ask them if you can have a private word. Then tell them the way you feel, about speaking to this boy for two years and knowing him well. Don't argue with them, listen to what they have to say, and be like an adult. In turn, they will respect you for being mature and listen to you. Hopefully they'll understand you. It may be embarrasing, but it's natural that you feel this way. Also, have a quiet word with you're parents about you're sister, tell them what you're friends thought of it, and then ask if you're parents to have a little talk with you're sister about her being this way. Whatever you do, don't try and get revenge on her, that could make things a lot worse.If you do eventually get around you're parents, and you're boyfriend gets a chance to come and see you, then explain to him first about you're parents and you're sister, if he understands, then he'll be polite when he meets them. If he is polite, then you're parents might decide they like him and let him come again sometime!If possible, quietly ask you're sister when no-one is around (so as not to embarrass her) if she can respect that you need you're privacy when you are with you're boyfriend, and can she not get mad. Do not switch to asking her to behave when you're friends are around, keep strictly to telling her to be nice to your boyfriend, and leave the rest to your parents. Merry Christmas!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2005): Heya,i'm in exactly the same situation except i have an online gf who is 16 and i'm 17 i've told my parents about her and they have accepted that we love each other,we have talked through webcam, video and on the phone, loads of people say it's not possible to fall in love online but actually it is. tell your parents exactly how you feel and if they can't accept it tell them your going to be with the person you love, don't let your parents tell who you can be with, if you and him trust each other i'd say you should both go for it. best of luck with your parents xx
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