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anonymous
writes: Hi there. I've been involved recently with a co-worker, we were good friends before all this happened and I guess getting together was a natural progression as we got on so well. Unfortunately, she has been married for seven years to an abusive husband. They are still living together but she is looking for a place to move to along with their two children. She decided recently that we should "cool things off for a bit" - meaning that for the sake of all concerned (especially the children) we would stop seeing each other for the time being. We still talk, she knew from since before we got together that I am always around for her when she needs someone to talk to. I haven't had a proper relationship for over two years so the lack of sex is not a huge problem, it is more the fact that I am frustrated that we cant see each other. This may seem a selfish point of view, but, I enjoy her company soooo much, I feel awful that because of the situation we cannot spend much time together right now. Her and her husband will be getting divorced,I dont know when, but she has had enough of him and has decided once and for all that they have no future. They have tried to patch things up before, when he has beaten her, but she is sick of trying because he always changes for a couple of weeks then goes back to his usual self. I want to ask her about the future but I know she has so much stuff on her mind at the moment. She has told me that once she is moved out things will be easier, so I guess this means that we can see each other then. She had told herself that she didnt want another relationship for a while after her husband, then "we" happened, but it still hurts that two people who care about each other like this cannot be together. I am accepting of the situation as I know I can give her what her husband has deprived her of, we laugh and smile together could talk for hours, and she feels great when she is with me. I just NEED to know if there is a future in this but I am holding back on asking because I know she is under a lot of pressure elsewhere. I am happy to just wait around and see how things pan out, I have no intention of going out and finding another gf, but now I do not know how I should act, how I should talk to her, how I should feel about her. There seems to be no easy solution to remedy all this. I am trying to act normal at work but I feel like Im either acting TOO normal or TOO weird all the time. What do I do?
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reader, AMY1972 +, writes (2 April 2005):
Hi, Give her the space that she has asked for and stop worrying. You have said that you were friends, this is the hardest part of a relationship the friendship. Just continue to be there when she needs to talk.Tell her that you are there if she needs you but be patient. You are not going to be able to act normally around her, after all you love her, so don't try. Just be you, that is all that she wants, but at the moment the you that is the friend to her. It sounds as though she has been through a rough time. She needs to get all of that sorted out first. Ask her if you can help in anyway. If not at least she knows you will be there to ask if she does.Just give her time and I am sure that things will work out for you both.
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