A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have this dream of going off to developing countries and making a difference to people out there - you know it might sound extreme but I've already done the training in teaching and as a nurse. I'd love to specialise in paediatrics, intensive care and infectious diseases and work in clinics out in Cambodia where I know there is a really amazing children's hospital. I also have training experiecne so could set up local nursing training for Khmer people, and I have spoken to people who do this - I know I would enjoy this.I have had this dream for really as long as I can remember and slowly it is coming together. I know it is realistic and I can do it.The thing is......I also have a dream that I will meet some guy who will also want to do this, who will travel out there with me and we will kind of run things together. I know this is a fantasy, but could it be real?I'm with this really loving guy, who is totally caring towards me, and loves me to bits and thinks I'm wonderful etc. When I first told him about this dream he got really upset saying he had never heard me so passionate, and it felt like I was leaving him. I said I wasn't leaving him.But although I love my boyfriend, I'm really disappointed that when I mentioned this, he didn't light up and say 'Oh My God! You too??!!' I just really hoped he would want to do this too as he is so caring and also works in the health service. He says he'd happily go abroad to do volunteer work with animals in trouble but has no desire to work with refugees etc and would love to have a family with me here in the UK.I don't know. He says he supports all my dreams but I kind of want someone who wants to live them with me too - like the couple from 'The Hospital By the River'. The thing is, they were Christians, and I'm not. I don't want to join a church to meet this kind of person. I don't want to spread the word, any religion, I just want to do this thing. You could analzse my reasons and maybe they are selfish as I want recognition or whatever - could be, but I still just want to do this.What can I do? I want to carry on my plan - and I love my boyfriend - where's the compromise going to come??
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male
reader, DV1  +, writes (16 November 2012):
 It seems like you've already made your decision... Maybe you guys could put things on hold while you go do what you need to do. I'm not going to sugar coat it, you're probably going to lose him.... I think that you'll get a lot of fulfillment out of what you want to do, but then I think that feeling will plateau... One day you'll wake up, and you'll see all the good that you've done for others, but you'll see the enormous sacrifice that you will have made. I'm not saying that there's nobody else out there for you, but you're going to have missed out on one of the good ones...
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2012): "But although I love my boyfriend, I'm really disappointed that when I mentioned this, he didn't light up and say 'Oh My God! You too??!!'"Not his fault, you have no right to be "disappointed" that he doesn't share your very rare, very specific passion. Very few guys would share your very rare, very specific passion because very few guys do share your very rare, very specific passion. "What can I do?"Either stay with your boyfriend or follow your dreams without him. "I want to carry on my plan - and I love my boyfriend - where's the compromise going to come??"Unfortunately, there is no compromise. Either you stay with your boyfriend or you follow your dreams without him. You won't find a guy who shares your passion for making a difference for the people of Cambodia until you begin fulfilling your passion for making a difference for the people of Cambodia and start meeting guys who share your passion for making a difference for the people of Cambodia and therefore are also fulfilling their passions for making a difference for the people of Cambodia. Metaphorically speaking, missionaries don't meet other missionaries by pole dancing at local strip clubs, they meet other missionaries by doing missionary work in far away, impoverished, third world countries.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (15 November 2012):
I think that what you want to do is fabulous. But here's the thing -
Your 'dream' of going out to Cambodia, setting up a clinic, helping people, that's a realistic dream. That's something that's achievable. You're nearly there, you're working in the right area, you've done research, you've spoken to people. You know you want to do this, and more importantly, you know it will work.
In contrast, your 'dream' about meeting a guy who will suddenly fall over himself - that's one of those Disney dreams, and is not all that realistic. It's too optimistic, sadly.
The time has very much come for you to now make this decision. You need to tell your boyfriend that this is what you want to do with your life, and that you want him to be apart of this. He needs to understand now, that this will happen. If he can't understand that, or isn't sure then you will have to let him go in order to follow your dream.
I guess what I'm saying is that your dream is such a realistic and achievable, and worthy one, that it's worth more than staying here with your boyfriend. You are in fact more likely to meet that dream guy once you're out there, because you'll be more likely to meet people like yourself.
I strongly urge you not to compromise on your dream. You want to do this, and you seem to need to do this. Either your boyfriend will have to decide to come with you, or you will have to move on.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2012): Carry on following your dreams - everything will fall into place - if he's meant to come with you and help animals, he will, if not, you'll meet your dream partner as you progress along this road. Just be honest to your chap if he wants to settle down and have a family and you aren't into that.Good luck
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