A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:There was a guy who I wasn't interested in who was pursuing me, i told him i didnt like him but wanted to be friends, 2 months later i fell for him....and 2 months later he slept with another girl. He eventually told me that he was pursuing me only b/c of my looks and wanted to only sleep with me, he didnt want a relationship but realized later on (when we got to talking and became friends) that he didnt want sleep with me and that he just wanted to be friends, good friends. I bawled my eyes out and told him he hurt me and that i fell for him in the process of him pursuing me/being friends and that him sleeping with this other girl really bothered me. I told him i never wanted to speak to him again but its hard to avoid him b/c i do run into him on wkends at parties, we have mutual friends. So we hooked up but didnt have sex...i got weak for him at a party and invited him over, he was trying to be respectful but i told him to just let go and enjoy the moment....i dont think i respect myself very much (he respects me more than i respect myself) but anyways, the point now is i have no idea wat to do with him. I enjoy every moment i share with him, i love his company, his advice, he makes me laugh, he makes me happy but at the same time he makes me sad, sad for messing/playing with my emotions, for getting me involved adn then backing out, for seeing me and sleeping with another girl at the same itme when i thought he cared about me, and for telling me he basically 'changed his mind' about me over night. how do i handle this? how do i take hiM? i cant avoid him nor do i really want to, i want his friendship but i want more and when i see him i get weak in the knees and end up kissing him...we promised we'd just be friends and not hook up again but i WANT THAT, i want to hook up and go with the flow of things. i want more than friends...he doesnt and it bothers me. So do i just continue this friendship and suck it up or should i avoid him and told him not to come up to me at the next party? or do i just say we're cool but not hang out alone? i wana hang out and spend time even if we're not 'hooking up' and just be friends but its hard knowing he doesnt want wat i want, its like i want him in my life but dont at the same time, he hurst me and makes me smile at the same time...what do i do?????
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female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (5 November 2011):
 Hi,Sorry that you feel this way. I know it's hurtful to know someone you like had sex with another girl. I know you are hurt, but you have to understand that he was attracted to you, so he was pursuing you. He never made any promises. He admit that he was only physically attractive to you, and was not looking for a relationship. After getting to know you better, he realize you are a good girl, and he wants be be good friends. He didn't do anything wrong. He's a single guy doing his thing. He never mislead you, made promises, or use you. People become friends, and along the way other feelings develop. Unfortunetly you like him more than just friends, but I think he's not ready for commitment. Don't take it personally, it's not you, I am sure you are a great girl, that's why he wants to keep your friendship. I guess it's just the wrong time for him. It's hard to love someone, and that person don't feel the same. But, it's best for you to accept that he's not ready for commitment for now, and accept that he just wants to be friends. Remember, at least he's honest with you. Also, I know you get weak when you see him, but for your own good, it's better to not hook up with him again. To me, if you continue doing that, you will get more attach, and at the end it will only hurt you more. It's going to be more difficult to get over him. For now, since you both have the same group of friends, continue being friends, but try not to be alone with him. Sorry, I know it's not what you want to hear, but I am just trying to help you not to get hurt... Who knows, when time goes by, maybe you both can be together.. Only time will tell, but for now, be strong...Good luck
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