A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 17 years old and am a virgin. I'm going to have sex next week with my experienced partner. Any tips? I don't want to disappoint her.
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male
reader, daletom +, writes (3 April 2009):
Are you ready to break up with this girl? A LOT of teenage couples break up only a few days, to a few weeks, after they add sex to their relationship.
Yeah, I have to agree with the others who wonder if this is really a good thing. Have you and your G/F been talking about things like "life partners" or "marriage" - or are you doing this because she is pressuring you - or you have been together for "x"-months and it's time to have sex according to somebody's timetable - or are you doing it just to "get it over with"?
Does she know you're a virgin? If not, then your relationship really isn't to a point where it's wise to add sex.
If she DOES know, and doesn't have a bit of special respect for your virginity, then she's NOT a good choice for your first partner. If she really cares for you she'll consider it a bit of an honor to be your first, and make special efforts to make it good for both of you.
OK, you asked an honest question so I think you deserve an honest answer.
The first thing you should do is work up to it with some non-coital activities. I'm not talking about a few minutes, or even an hour, of foreplay - I'm talking about weeks or months where you learn about each others' body, and responses, through things like kissing, necking, fondling, etc. You may think the pre-sexual practices of prior generations, like "bundling", "sparking", "making out", "outercourse", etc - are quaint, but I think they served a very useful purpose of helping young people learn their own turn-ons and responses as well as those of their partners. Before you try to have sex with your G/F I hope you two have seen each other naked, and helped each other to orgasm without intercourse.
The second thing you need to do is plan for a time and place. It'll go better if you have plenty of time - most of a day, or an overnight at least; a whole weekend is better. You need a comfortable place with plenty of privacy and some bathroom facilities. This isn't something you should do in the back seat of a car, or while your roommate runs out for cigarettes.
It'll also help if your plans include something besides sex. A ballgame; a concert; an hour or two in the museum. Something where you can interact with each other. You may never get to the ballgame, but having it available as a warm-up exercise, or something to do for a while in case things don't go well at first, is a good idea.
There isn't a lot to say about the physiological mechanics. Like I said, if she's a good choice for your first partner she'll be pleased with that alone and will help you do well. If you are like 95% of all guys, you are going to climax too fast. If she makes comments about this, she wasn't a good choice.
If you are like 4% of all guys, you are going to lose your erection and not get into her. If she makes comments about this, she wasn't a good choice.
If you are like 1% of all guys, she will help you to an orgasm, using her hands or mouth, fairly early in your foreplay. You will know this is coming and not fight it. This first orgasm will take the edge off your premature trigger problem, and help you last longer; it'll also steady your nervousness and make you better able to understand and follow her leading. Within 20 minutes - 20 minutes of good foreplay, that will get her REALLY ready for you - you'll be ready to cum again. If she does this for you, she was an EXCELLENT choice.
Let her help guide you in. You can't possibly be familiar with the location, angle, etc of her vagina; and you certainly can't feel what she's feeling as you fumble, stab, and bruise her while you find it. If it's important to give her an orgasm while you're inside, have her put you on your back in the inverted-missionary or "cowgirl" position. You won't climax as easily and she can move to make herself cum. If she is a good choice for your first partner, it won't matter much if she cums with you inside (but please make sure she gets a good orgasm SOMETIME during your encounter!).
Don't count on condoms for either birth control or STD protection!! There is a good chance you will use a condom incorrectly, and cancel all the "protection" you're counting on. Pregnancy and STD's are REAL problems that you two MUST face up to, but "condoms" aren't the only solution - and, in this particular case, not a very good solution.
Don't be surprised by your feelings when it's over. It'll probably be a confusing mix of many emotions. Somebody has described it as "being more emotionally naked than any other time in your life". You may want to cling to her forever, or want to be left alone. You might want to tell the whole world about it, or be completely silent. I don't believe the statement that "the first time doesn't matter much to guys, like it does to girls". It matters just as much, though maybe in different ways. If she is a good choice, she will be sensitive to your feelings and give you what you need. If she is a poor choice she will do some real emotional harm to you.
When it's over, I think it's a good idea for you two to do something else, together. Take a walk; grab a burger; catch the last of that ballgame. It's OK to talk about what just happened; or OK not to. After that break, have sex again!! Except, this time do things RIGHT!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2009): Pliz don't lose your virginity as 17. wait until you're older.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2009): Dont rush it. And remember foreplay is very important. I am sure that you two have done other things up to this point so you know how to please her. Just make sure that you dont forget that her needs are important too!
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