A
female
age
41-50,
*istyblue
writes:How do I get over unrequited love that supposedly won't be unrequited in a matter of time?THe scenario is similar to a Romeo and Juliette Story but twisted. I am in love with someone that was also in love with me for a period of time. It turns out that legally he is not supposed to be in any kind of a relationship for 3 years. He is on probabtion and has to take lie detector tests every 3 months. One question they ask him is if he is involved with anyone. He has failed one test while we were seeing eachother and he got house arrest for 3 months for failing the test. He has to pass about 12 more of these tests before his probation is completed in 3 years. He says he loves me or at least he did a couple months ago. So basically in order for him to pass the tests and not end up in prison he has to not be in a relationship with me. He has said there is a future for us in 3 years. But until then I have to just be his friend. when we are together I want to be in a relationship with him. It seems impossible. I love him and we have been in a relationship. But he cant be in one. He says if I need to date other people then I should. The thing is I dont want to date anyone else. He has to be in a place in his head where he is not interested in being with me whatsoever in order to pass those tests. So How do I go about being in love with someone and hold on for our future relationship without wanting the relatioship side. I desire him. But that goes with the relationship. What he needs me to be is a friend to him and nothing more until he can actually be in a relationship. He says if I cant take this then I might have to just move on. I dont want to move on. But there is nothing he can do. We had a pattern to our relationship and it was swept out from under me. I want to do all the same things. But he says we have to back off so he does not get into trouble. And if he doesnt call me I take it personal even though he says I cant do that because he is only doing this because of the rule he has to follow.He says everything that is hurting me is because of the rule he has to follow. How do I get through this without ruining something we could have in the future? Is there some sort of compromise so we can both do this the right way and still get what we both need? It seems like I am the only one hurting and I tell him I am grasping for straws when it comes to bering with him but he tells me time and time again that this is a hurdle for us both to get over and it will be so much better when the process is over. Any advice for me on how to just be his friend even thoug I lvoe him and want to be with him. How do I let go of the desires of wanting him to call me or invite me over? How do I stop thinking about snuggling with him and the close times and turn it into buddy buddy time?
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in jail, move on, period Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Mistyblue +, writes (3 April 2009):
Mistyblue is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe is currently on the sex offenders list. And he does have to check in every other day. After his probation is up he will not have to check in any longer as far as being on the list at that point im not sure if he will still have to do that. He has told me that basically in 3 years this all goes away. And that we can move forward from that point.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (3 April 2009):
 This still sounds kinda of wacked. Will he be placed permanently on the sex offenders list? After his probation will he be allowed around children? Or will he be able to lead a normal life without having to register with the authorities and check in every so often? What state do you live in?
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A
female
reader, Mistyblue +, writes (3 April 2009):
Mistyblue is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have been inviting him out lately to go to events. So I see that can be helpful as far as curbing our desires. I don;t know though. If anything it might add to it. :)
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A
female
reader, Mistyblue +, writes (3 April 2009):
Mistyblue is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe was charged as a sex offender (molestation). Which it was completely unfair to him. I read the reports and the woman who accused him was wacked out on drugs. It was a case totally her word against his. She claimed he did something to his son as they were all three sleeping in the same bed. The child denied it and the mother of the child was on his side in court saying there was no way that he ever did it. So the thing is I have a son. And he cannot be with anyone that has kids. He has never been around my son at all. Not because I dont trust him but because it is part of his rules. So as far as department of corrections goes he is labeled a non risk sex offender but he still has to follow the rules or finish his time in prison. Then if that was to happen his probation of 4 years starts over. Right now its at 3 years (and counting down :))
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A
male
reader, LightHorseman  +, writes (3 April 2009):
Wow! May I ask a couple of questions first?
1. For what sort of crime is it a condition of parole that a person can't be in a relationship?
2. In what jurisdiction is it even legal for the state to limit someone's right to get involved in a relationship?
Sorry, I've just never heard of anything like this situation or scenario before!
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