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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi, bit of a mental dilemma i'm in.....I have two dreams....very opposite to each other...The first one is to get married and to save myself (I am a virgin) for 'the one'The second is that I have this fantasy where I want to have a one night stand, for the sheer thrill. I don't want to be older and regret not 'having fun' and doing exciting things while I'm young, but I also don't want my future 'one' to be ashamed of me or think less of me because I did it. I am quite tradidional in that way and so I want to wait until i find 'the one'...but i also want to have fun while I'm young.:S :SPlease help me,Thanks for any advice
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female
reader, Fiona xxx  +, writes (16 May 2008):
 One night stands are not for a virgin!
Do wait until you are dating somebody.
I used to be against a one night stand until i did it LOL!
Few people wait for "the one". It wasn't what I chose to do.
For my first boyfriend I waited a long 8 weeks, for moral reasons. So a varied experience is cool, and these days nobody is ad judgemental as you think.
I figured in the end that if I marry somebody who had a phase of one night stands, and I hadn't I might not like it. So I had to experience both sides of things, the waiting, and the fun.
from Fiona
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2006): yeah obviously everyone fantasizes about what they want more. You obviously have this thing where you're not sure if it's a crime to have fun and live life to the full. Just do whatever you feel you want to do, as long as you don't hurt yourself or other ppl(acting like a total sleeze). out of the two, i would definitely live for the thrill and the wild side of things cos it would be happier for me. But then again lots of ppl would choose the committed way of life. Up to you. Do whatever you feel would be better, but just take care with health like contraception and stuff. lol :)
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (3 July 2006):
 You'll still be young for a fair while yet. To my mind, you have another 6 or 7 years of Youth, to enjoy getting out and sowing wild oats. So maybe you're worrying about your future prematurely?
My thought on the matter is that getting a one-night stand is relatively easy, but once you've lost your virginity it's gone for good... and there's no guarantee that a single night of sex is going to be enjoyable, or even satisfying!
What if you go out and pull a girl for strings-free sex, and you find out that your performance isn't great, (due to inexperience) or that the whole experience leaves you cold, because there's no emotion involved? They you've lost *both* your dreams.
Don't overlook the fact that girls and women tend to invest a great deal of emotion in sex, too! You might think you're having a one-night-stand and discover in the morning that she thinks you're in a 'relationship'. Uh oh...
An additional, or alternate possibility is that you might find that the one-nighter is indeed thrilling... so you head out to do it again, and again, and again. That would tend to ruin it's specialness for you too.
Therefore my recommendation is to hold off on a decision for a bit. There isn't any rush to run out and lose your virginity, just for the sake of it. Especially when you already describe yourself as a bit of a 'traditional' guy, and you ight subsequently regret it.
You can still 'have fun' and remain a virgin. Then when you find your special woman, you still have your dream.
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female
reader, camille +, writes (3 July 2006):
 You can't plan these things like your dreams, they just happen...when you're ready. Don't go looking for it, just take each situation as it comes. It's rare to find virgins these days and some may say that's lovely and some may say it's risky to wait 'til you're married as you may not be physically compatible. But no one here can really offer advice on this one. You don't have to wait until you're married, but waiting until you really care and love for someone will make it a very special, memorable experience. Better to look back without regret. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry, i forgot to say that I'm 18, and am male.
Thanks
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