A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Some advice would be great guys.Until April this year i thought i had control of the situation with my ex. He would ring me, intitate the convrsation etc i never put myself in a painful position after he changed his mind about getting back together 3 years ago (his idea)i swore i wouldn't let him hurt me again.Fast forward today and 6 months on I'm distraught after a chain of events that have left me feeling stupid again but this man cant seem to get out my life or vice-verse. First he told me he thought his ex was pregnant after they split he spent the next week or so calling me and going through his issues really i should of told him where to stick it then but at the time we we're friends so we said...less than a month later he told me after a late night call that he was thinking about me.He kept looking at my profiles online and saying how hot i looked in pictures and that i was looking great. His calls continued and he asked why i never called him i would of thought it was obvious! He asked me to meet him again and i thought about it because he was in the area but fate stepped in and i couldn't so he called me and text me at 4pm drunk after a stag do telling me he wanted to see me wonder why!!After this he continued to contact me weekly sometimes several times asking for me to think about meeting him going over what things we're like mainly sexually when we we're together. He thought it was better to be with him as an ex than to have sex with a stranger. He didn't just say this he was warm, complimentary and he made me think he could have feelings for me because of his behavior i've known this guy for 8 years almost and it's not in his nature to make life hard for himself and this was getting stupid. I spent 3 months saying no and told him that i couldn't separate feelings from the act so leave it he said lets be friends for now and for a bit i felt better. Next time he contacted me it started again something clicked that made me think maybe he does have something for me otherwise why waste all this time trying to sleep with someone when he could go and find it easily i just become blind and regret my behavior by sleeping with him i know it was black and white he wanted sex but i thought hey men do but once he was my with me right? i know this all stinks.A while after seeing him and sleeping with him his contact was minimial and i was left devastated by my actions and his complete lack of consideration intially. Eventually i told him w#how i felt and how this had affected me because i had to after all these years i still cared for him and that seeing him only reinfored this. Truly it had to be done i've had no closure because of our close realtionship up until now and the realtionship has always left me confused. A week later he text and said he thought i was great for having the guts to admit it and that he would reply in time. I did ask him nicely not to reply necessarily because i know what his reply will say now i've got the message loud and clear i know i didnt have a right to do this but i was sure more bad would come from this situation. I said i took my responsibility for sleeping with him got my fingers burnt but that i have to put myself first because of the feelings and the pain i've suffered since.It's a vicious cycle i feel bad now because he's shown compassion to what i've said and somehow he seems to be trying his hardest to make me feel better perhaps because he knows that i want to stop the contact but his so called kind gestures just make me feel worse. I know what I'm dealing with here i feel guilt because i want no contact and he still does how can this be??
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male
reader, Talksense +, writes (21 October 2008):
Hi, Right well this is a bit confusing, but i get what you're sayin. It's hard to guage what's goin on here cos i would need more facts, but i could suggest a few things.
I think maybe you need to be a bit more assertive basically and just cut off contact with this guy, you have to remember that quite alot of men will manipulate women cos they know they always get their own way with them and that's what i feel he is doing. When he has other girls to go to or he has a problem he runs to you, so he maybe repects you as a friend and an ex, but his using your emotions to get what he wants cos he knows you really care for him, In a way i think he is using you.
He's not being maliscious about it as he respects you but his not taking your feelings for him seriously, therefore forget what happened and move on and don't let him in again otherwise he will keep hurtin you, as i said men are good at this when they know a girl has genuine feelins for them after all he has jnown you 8 years and he knows you very well.
Don't go with him again is your only option!!
Good luck
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (21 October 2008):
You know you've been stupid and you are never going to get what you want for this guy.
You have to keep up the no contact rule and get a life and get over him.
He's still calling etc, because he can, there is no agenda in it. He's just in the habit of calling you so he does.
Stop answering his calls.
Good Luck!! xx
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