A
female
age
30-35,
*ion
writes:I'm currently rather confused about what is going on between me and a guy I have been involved with.I met him about 2 months ago when I started at university, and it was obvious from as soon as we met that he really liked me. After about 2 weeks he made a move on me and we spent about 3 weeks together, although we weren't officially in a relationship. During this time he told me about a recent ex girlfriend who he described as "the worst mistake of his life", and it was obvious that he was still not quite over whatever happened between them. Then, completely out of nowhere, he started avoiding me and when I asked what was going on he told me that he didn't want a relationship at the moment because of how recent the stuff with his ex was, and that he likes me but he doesn't like me "enough" to have a relationship with me. Up until then he had obviously genuinely been really into me, so I found this sudden change quite strange.Then a few weeks later we got very drunk and ended up spending the night together (although we didn't quite go all the way, because I didn't want to). Then the next morning I tried talking to him about it, and he was very cold and evasive with me, and said nothing had changed, and that he didn't want us to do anything like that again. At this point I assumed that he must have just been trying to get me into bed all along, which I may still have been right about, who knows. But then this weekend the same thing happened again, except this time the way he was behaving was very different. He seemed genuinely interested in me again, like he did to begin with, more so even. He was doing things like holding my hand and complimenting me and just generally being nice and really quite sweet. When we went back to mine he told me he wanted to "make love to me" (we didn't in the end for various reasons which aren't really relevant, so I won’t go into them), which seemed like a strange way of phrasing it considering he supposedly doesn't like me "enough". And while we were doing what we were doing, he was behaving differently, the last time it had just been straight to business, but this time he was making sure I was enjoying it, talking to me, etc. Then the morning after, he was much warmer with me than the previous time. He was actually talking to me unlike the last time when he was pretty much ignoring me, and he didn't rule out us ever doing anything again. And he kissed me goodbye when he left, which, again, he didn't last time.I haven't seen him or spoke to him since then, so I have no idea if his behaviour the morning after is going to continue. I'm probably being an idiot but I got the impression from this weekend that he may actually like me more than he thought he did, because that's a rather funny way of behaving if that's not the case. What with the stuff that went on with his ex he could be feeling confused about what he actually wants. Or maybe it's a clever ploy to get me into bed. I don't know, and I've got to the stage now where I'm just going around in circles trying to figure it out and not really getting anywhere. So if anyone could help shed some light on the situation I would really appreciate it. Thanks in advance.
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female
reader, Xion +, writes (26 November 2009):
Xion is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAbout his ex, she is most deffinately an ex. I've sort of become part of this guys circle of friends at uni (which was already existing as he is a second year) and she is never around, nor is there even any mention of her from his friends apart from the occasional reference to things that happened in their first year when she was there. So it would deffinatly seem like she is not in the picture any more. They broke up about 3 months ago.
Of course you could be right about them possibly getting back together, but I see no reason to assume it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2009): A word of advice from someone who has been there. He is trying to get you into bed, that's it. Trying to make you his side girl. The one who he claims is his "ex"? Probably not his ex at all. When i was younger, I waited 2 years to give a guy my virginity who talked about his "ex"... and after I gave him my virginity, I found out the Ex was actually his Present and long term girlfriend. This guy is playing with your emotions, making them go UPPPPP and dooooooownnn, up and down and again, in turn you will be weakened, think your in "love"... and then make love to him. Steps to take: If you like this guy and think he has potential, make sure he doesn't have a girlfriend, and MAKE HIM WAIT, make him treat you right.. cut the crap from him.
stand up, treat and respect yourself well, so in turn, if it goes bad, you'll know you did your part.
good luck
p.s. He may know he is getting back with her and just be using you for your body while the two are on a break. Don't get your heart broken, Don't be a piece of meat from the break.
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