A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:im confuse i broke up with my boyfriend for 8 months he called me names like ugly, crazy , stupid i told him to stop but everytime i upset him over small things like he doesnt like the way i snob him for small reasons he yells at me. hes financially dependent on me for 8 months now he has failed 3 jobs already and he blamed me. he said because im clingy thats why his carreer failed. i felt guilty that's why im helping him. im a single mom i have a 3 yr old kid and last time i snapped when he yelled and my son and called him abnormal and said he's the worse kid in the world. i snob at him and he didnt liked it, he said not because hes staying in my house and that im helping him he said im manipulated him and ruined his carreer so i can keep and trapped him in my house. he said i dont haave the right to be superior over him . i cant control him . that's where after he left to do something i texted him to get out of my house and called him names also and cursed him. i emailed his ex gf and asked how he was before and she told me she was also was being abused that she even called the police before she said i should do something as early as now as i have a kid. i felt so much anger that i forwarded the email to his bestfriend and wife of his bestfriend to prove that my ex bf is an abusive man which i realize what i did was out of the line they disliked it and said im pathetic and cheap. i texted my ex and threatened him to return my valuables if not im going to email his company. i feel horrible because my ex feels his the victim now and acts like cursing me and calling me names is nothing that i overreacted that i hated him too much that it was not normal. im confused now, am i the batterer here??
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyou were all right. i was out of the line forwarding the email. i was out of control of my anger because finally i can prove that i wasnt crazy and that he has a habitual and has a history of being a baterrer. i feel so bad though i became exactly like him. i responded by cursing and texted him insults i insulted his appearance and family and friends so he would feel the same way i did whne he was yelling at me and called me ugly. now he wouldnt realize his mistakes hes not aware how serious his behaviour cos he now feels hes the victim and i am now the abuser. i feel so bad
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyou're right i lost control and what i did was really wrong. i just wanted his friend to know that his a habitual verbal abuser and that i was not halucinatting and im not crazy and it turned out i became exactly like him and i can be worse. i wanted him to feel how he made me feel whenever he cursed and yell at me and called me ugly. i did the same thing to him i texted him hurful words. i feel so bad
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2011): Both of you are to blame, but he much more so. He has a whiny victim mentality, blaming you for everything he can't do right. being verbally abusive to your kid is a definite line you have to draw.
however you blew it big time when you forwarded the email to his friend and the wife. What on earth did you hope to achieve by that? Are they law enforcement and you were seeking a restraining order? are they the judge in a settlement case? they're his friends what response did you expect? that just made you look childish and untrustworthy so you've lost some ground as far as your reputation.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2011): Passing on the emails to his friends was indeed cheap and tacky. And perhaps you could have handled some situations better, but from what you describe I'd say he was the problem.
All of his ranting and blaming you is designed to shift your attention away from his behaviour. Keeping you on the defensive allows him to avoid having to account for his own conduct.
I can't imagine anything he has of yours being so valuable as to make it worth ongoing turmoil with him. My advice is to let the material things go, sever ties with him and move on. Unlike you, your wee son has no control over his surroundings. It is up to you to create a stable home for him.
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