A
male
age
41-50,
*echnoloops
writes:Hi,My GF and i started a break since christmas week cos of problems we have had and using the time to sort ourselves with our counsellors seperately. I've tried to give her space and have only texted her once or twice to tell her i was thinking of her, etc.. One thing i have noticed since then is that she has been using my name in every text. Like Hello (my name), or thank you (my name) for understanding, good night (my name). but she still uncludes three kisses at the end fo the text. I can't recall her using my name so frequently when our relationship was better. What does this mean or am i being paranoid? Speaking to a friend, he thinks its a bad sign.any help would much appreciated.thanks
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a break, am I being paranoid, christmas, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, technoloops +, writes (10 January 2010):
technoloops is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks. I think you're right. since christmas we did meet a few times to discuss how we were feeling etc.. after alot of soul searching finally understood how she was and how i had inadvertantly constantly hurt her feelings in the past and let her down so much. this along with issues she has had with her family life has caused her alot of represssed emotional stress and resentment becuase she gave so much but recieved little in return. she is very sensitive and from everything that has happened now has little confidence and self-esteem. she is finding it very difficult to let go of the past and move on thats why i wanted to ask her if she would like both of us to get counselling together and seperately but i dont know. she did say in her replies that she finds it too difficult to talk about it at the moment and trying to find out why her heart is so heavy and empty, so i guess you're right about not raising the other issues. she is finding it difficult to let go of the past and has alot of resentment, i have been doing alot of reading about letting go of the past and all the advice seem to point to couple counselling since i'm one of the causes of her grief. I just want to be there to support her and allow her to pour out all her repressed emotions and resentment. I am aware of how i have been and know that i too have some problems (hence my counselling) but its not an excuse for the mistakes and hurt i have done to her. I dont want her to forget what has happened but to find it in her to forgive the hurt i have unintentionally caused her and to realise that the past will not be a reflection of the future. she has been getting conselling since the summer and has an appointment this monday, i just hope the counsellor picks up on this issue and help guide her.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2010): in all honesty .... NO...don't ask all those questions.
go meet but be the guy she fell for. chat about familt, friends the world, just catch up. don't talk about ur relationship until she brings it up. show her what she's missing. of course its going to b hard for u not to text esp after being together over 9 yrs but there is a reason she is not texting or calling!!
she prob just needs time to get her head around things esp if she is not in a good place...doesn't help u txting all the time. this may be a silly idea but get a gd friend whom u trust and tell him when u feel like txting her wud it b ok if u txt him..even if u need to change his name to hers. and he talks rubbish back to u. do something to take ur mind of txting her. really give her time and space x
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A
male
reader, technoloops +, writes (9 January 2010):
technoloops is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your advice. We have been together for 9 and a half years (most of it has been long distance) and just when things looks like its getting better for us, its all gone pear shape. I'm finding it so hard not to contact her. And also my mind seems to jump to conclusions and crazy ideas seems to propogate. She has got alot of emotional issues and is not in a good mental state however i'm hoping to meet her next weekend, do you think i should ask if she knows what she wants, how long she wants this break for, ground rules like how much contact and wether she would like to go to counselling together? I dont want to push her but i feel like i need to know these things in order for me to continue with my life for the time being.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2010): sorry that was mean't to say i don't think it is a bad sign x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2010): i don't think it's back but she's probably uncomfortable txting. no doubt u r the one txting first. she doesn't wanna lead u on by sayin hey honey etc that may give u the wrong idea. don't think too much into things. give it time and don't text her as much...speaking as another girl - give her time and space x
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