A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:A week away from Xmas and my partner tells me yesterday he's not got me anything; doesn't know what to get me and has had other things on his mind! Hints for a particular ($10.00) DVD I've been chasing and found have obviously gone unheard... (All he had to do was give me his credit card.)I naturally didn't think he was being very thoughtful when ‘we’ are not strained for cash, as he likes to think. But on the contrary; he’s bought a spa, clearly happy to lend/give his well-off parents money for their car insurance and offered a loan to pay car repairs for his son-in-law without a blink of an eye in discussing some of these things with me.Hours later; he asked me what the matter was. I calmly said, “I wasn’t happy to hear you say you haven’t got me anything for Xmas…” (Being thought of at the last minute hardly is a sign of thoughtfulness.) “Plus the idea of buying me something the next day after Xmas was pretty lame when I’m to go halves in paying for it. There have been plenty of sales prior to Xmas.” “I simply would have appreciated that DVD I mentioned to you months ago when I found it.”In response; he starts yelling at me by reminding me how HE’S paying for our trip away in February next year for his Dad's 80th, who’s paid for the spa, how he’s trying to build up his savings account etc. All in which makes me appear to be ungrateful, when he neglects to acknowledge my contribution.Despite everything, all I suggested was that $10.00 DVD would suffice - it wouldn’t break our/your budget... Plus considering the year we had with other issues it would have been nice to know that our Xmas wouldn’t be spoilt also.I would like to know; if his intension were ‘honest’ in getting me something anyway; why the need for all this type of behaviour?
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (20 December 2010):
Let me put it to you this way. I'm currently unemployed, and have been for nearly 4 months now. I'm basically living on the savings I have which were made when I worked. Yet I managed to get my girlfriend a present. It isn't hugely expensive. It was £15 and was a hamper of a few of her favourite foods and a bottle of wine.
So, I, an unemployed person, made more of an effort than your boyfriend did. To add to that, he spent a ton of money on his parents, has paid of others' loans and has discussed nothing with you. And to top it off, he then claimed he didn't know what to get you and had a huge go at you.
The reason he got you nothing was that he hasn't given you a moment's thought. At all.
The reason he then had a huge go at you was because he knows he's in the wrong and has to defend himself.
Now, I'm not saying break up with him over this. But I will say that given that there seems to be little regard for your feelings, whilst he's there spending money without telling on everyone else, you need to sit down and look closely at this relationship. I get the feeling that you are truly last in line in his life.
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