| A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: (@dearCupid: sorry if this question is the same, but something doesn't seem to work. I also could not make an update on my previous question. The computer didn't recognise me a the one who originally posted the question. So I do it this way.)Hi! This is an update on My 3 female fellow students want the 4 of us to go on holiday together but I don't think my girlfriend is too keen on the idea seeing as she wouldn't be going (http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-3-female-fellow-students-want-the-4.html)I asked to get some opinions. I’m going on holiday abroad for a fortnight with three female fellow students which I know quite well. The four of us used to be a learning group for the past two years and know each other quite well. They are all in a relationship but will not take their boyfriends with us on this holiday (they all study in other courses and don’t belong to our learning group). And also I’m not planning to take my girlfriend with me as she also doesn’t belong to this group (she is too busy in that time anyway).I think this would be no problem but now I realised my girlfriend seems to be not happy about it.Thanks for your advice so far.I may have to say, that this is not at all about trust. There is a lot of trust between us. My girlfriend has nothing to worry about. There will nothing happen. We are both religious and I will only lose my virginity to my wife, once I'm married - and she really could be the one. I also will not share a bedroom with any of these friends on the whole trip. I booked single bedrooms, even so they cost much more.I wouldn't mind my girlfriend going on holiday with her male fellow students or male friends she used to have for a long time, even if they would not have a girlfriend by themselves. So this is not about trust! Thing is more, I think she feels left out, because she can not join us. She was not invited to join us (because she is not studying with us) and anyway she is too busy in that time because of a course she will go on that time. And she has no money to go on holiday - especially not enough to go abroad. So I think she is jealous of me going on holiday. And she feels left out.But apart from that that it is her birthday in exactly that time I’m on holiday (she will have to spend it on her own and this isn’t really fair) I can not understand why she doesn’t like me going on this trip. I really wouldn’t mind her going on holiday with anyone even male friends.So do you know why she reacts offended? And do you have any advice to make her being ok with this?
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jealous, money, on holiday Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, deejuliet  +, writes (28 June 2007):
 It may or may not have anything to do with their being female, but it sure doesnt help matters! If you were going off for a holiday with a bunch of guy friends or a mixed group she would probably still be hurt and angry. It is the point that you didnt include her and she is the one you are supposed to WANT to be with for holiday, not some friends who arent supposed to mean anywhere near as much to you as she does. You didnt even discuss it with her, you simply informed her you were going and her thoughts, feelings or ideas meant nothing to you. This was a big 'f*** you!' to her. Maybe she didnt have the time or the money to go on this holiday? Well then you shouldnt be going on it either. You should be planning on going at a time that she can join you and makeing plans to do something she can afford. So what if you wanted to go abroad. Save that for another time when you can do it with HER! Plan an inexpensive vacation TOGETHER! THAT is the point. To just leave her behind without consideration is cruel and selfish. If you want to be in a serious relationship with someone you have to make HER your priority, not some friends, no matter how 'close' you feel you are to them.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2007): How little you understand women if you think it is because she is jealous that you're going on holiday without her.
Wake up mate, you're going on holiday with three other women, you didn't even invite her and you are going to miss her birthday!
Whether or not you plan to save your virginity to her is completely irrelevant, so is the fact she isn't on your course.
I wouldn't be surprised if your girlfriend is badly hurt by this, so badly that it will seriously affect your relationship. What's more important to you, your friendship with these girls, or your relationship with your girlfriend? It sounds like you need to make a choice. You can't please all people, all of the time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2007): Hi hun,
she is your probably right abit upset as she cant go and its right on her birthday, As flower girl says take her out before you go away do something special for her birthday, and have a heart to heart and just put her mind at rest love if you have the trust in each other thats the best foundation in a relationship everyone at some point gets a little worried im sure things will be fine. TAKE CARE OF BOTH OF YOU LOVE MANDY XXXXX
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A
female
reader, Unique1 +, writes (27 June 2007):
Alright.... NO WAY in a world i would be fine with my boyfriend going on a vacation with three/four females....NO WAY! First off:YOU, out of respect and to be nice shouldve invited her to go with you (even if she isnt the part of your group- she is your gf!), second- it is her birthday and her and every other girl will expect her bf to be there with her-NOT on a vacation with three other girls...I am sorry-but that is ridicilous-be happy she didint leave you .......
Overall, even though you sound like u really care for her and wouldnt do anything to hurt her-it still looks bad and she has a right to be upset and mad at you...
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (27 June 2007):
 There is nothing you can do that will make her feel "ok" with this. You may not think this has anything to do with trust, but it does. She may feel left out. She may feel hurt that you're planning to be gone during her birthday. She may be disappointed that she doesn't have the money to come along. She most likely is very upset that she wasn't invited. But underneath all that, she is probably feeling a wee bit uncomfortable by you spending time with these other women. Everyone has advised you against this trip and still you are hell bent. I say, take the trip and if she dumps you, well then you'll know that was a stupid thing to do and next time you're in a loving relationship with someone you really care about, you'll learn that if they are bothered by something, it's best not to persist. Take the trip and hopefully she'll have a new boyfriend when you come back.
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A
female
reader, flower girl  +, writes (27 June 2007):
 It's jealousy but more that you can afford to go on holiday and that she can't, and that you will be going with other people and she will not be there with you to join in the fun, she will get over it and if she does not maybe it's not meant to be.
As for her birthday being while you are away, you could maybe try and arrange a birthday meal for just you and her before you go away, get her a little gift and show her just how important and special she is to you.
Take care.xx.
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