A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys, back again posted a long mssage about a love triangle ive been in as the other man based on first friendship gained over phone e-mail at work to flirting and meeting and massive mutual physical attraction attraction. Anyhow blew mine and her heads esp when shes in a relationship that she was settling for before this happened although she is not 100% happy she i think was prepared to settle for this whereas I believe you need top be 100%. Anyhow we have kind of parted after her pushing me away again prob to try to sort her head out, which shes done before but aint worked cos feelings dont go away. But this time i've had enough of been the other man, when shes admitted it would be amazing if she were not in a relationship. I asked her if she didnt want me or fancy me after she pushed me away when i last saw her and all she could say was its not that simple. She has spoke to me before about her bfriend saying he wouldnt cope if they split, would take it badly smash her house up etc and how he previously has been arrested for stalkin an ex!!! Also theres the issues of him being like part of the family, expectations of friends and family etc. Sometimes I think these are excuses but they are valid and dont think she expected just how strong our feelings would develop and shes now torn but i dont think shes strong enough to break. There are no kids, they dont live together although hes pressing to move in which i dont think she wants and they are constantly rowing (hes 10 years older I'm same age as her). They have been together 3 years ive been friends 6 months and sex going on 3 when we both are weak as we know its wrong at the mo but cannot help ourselves sometimes. Anyhow the last 3 weeks she has been swaying from really missing me etc to bratty thinkin she is totally in control, which i have let her somewhat as i know her heads messed. Anyhow afer her last episode of brattishness I stopped all my contact for a week and we normally text 10+ times a day each. I then texted telling her shed been a brat and that I apologised for my part in this and hoped she was ok cos i cared. I got likewise back but her saying she didnt want to make thigs dificult again (the affair).So I call and we apologise have a laugh I tell her off in a playful way for behaving spoilt and have a nice chat like old. Anyhow she text me at bed time when her byfriend is round saying shes feelin really sorry for herself and she should never have spoken to me??? i is now confused, Why did she do that?. So text her next morn telling her not to worry things will work out shes a special person and i'll be there for her no matter what. She responds by textin that im completely lovely and thanking me??? So on that note I thought I was leaving her to make her own decisions on the best possible note with her thinking im wonderful after cheering her up when shes feeling down about me/the whole thing. I think she knows im puling away for both our sakes, which is why she thanked me too. Been v hard as id class her as me best friend as well despite this all and her too prob. A week down the line she has just texted calling me sweetheart wanting to know what i have been dooing (im single) saying she will chat soon etc. I have not responded which she wouldent expect and I did not expect her to make first contact either. What is she dooing??? I suspect she is now realising what shes loosing and isnt getting the attention/friendship/attraction i give her? seeing if she has me on a string like her fella (i have been a bit to recently but thats not me)?. Bottom line is she is still with him and from what i read not happy. I'm not happy with way things were cos i wasnt gettin much out of it where she was as her emotional voids were being filled by me. I do want this girl long term so do i leave her be to make her own decisions without my support/friendship responding to her or contact her again. Dont want things to go back to how they were but its obvious i still have feelings for her and she woulent be textin me if it werent likewise. Whats she playin at and what do I do? Considered and ultimatum but she knows already? What do I do? PS im feelin stronger already, suspect she is now all over the place and I feel bad for pullin rug out from her feet but better being strong than weak right if I want her back? Contact her in a couple of months? I dont think you can control what goes on in your heart so if its there she'll realise an finnish with him come find me right but prob not if she has me filling her emotional needs knowing i'm there??? Think her heart has just over ruled her head wiv her last text? Help?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2007): It is always a good motto to try and not play games. If things don't work out after playing games, you will be kicking yourself. Could you have an honest conversation with her, tell her how you feel and that you are hoping to have a monogomous relationship with her? Tell her that you are not willing to share her with her boyfriend and that you will have to walk away from her and rebuild your life (for the sake of your sanity) if she does not want the same thing? You must then be able to walk away, at least knowing that she understands the true situation and will come back if she feels strong enough about you. As you well say, if the feelings are there, she won't be able to let you walk away... If she does not come to you, then at least you can save yourself any more heart ache, but playing games can blow up in your face and does not show emotional maturity.
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