A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I just need an opinion on something that's bothering me. I was with my ex for two years, we broke up in April, he finished with me because I informed him of my pregnancy. He repeatedly told me I'm a psycho.. And tonight I find myself asking "am I really!?" I've been doing ok moving on with my life but he works in my village and i feel like he is always lurking in the back ground. So, in those two years he: lied every day and led a double life with another woman, would respond to my texts and phone calls when he felt like it, threw me out of our home because he wanted his own space, allowed me to move back in, then met up with 2 ex girlfriends behind my back, and again tried to chuck me out the house because I had "broke his trust" by going into his phone and finding out that he had met them, when I told him I was pregnant he gave me dogs abuse, for 4 weeks straight, put me in the spare room, telling me how I've tried to trap him, I'll be doing this on my own and his mates will laugh at him when they find out, shouting at me telling me he wanted me to terminate the pregnancy, how his family - who hated me, because they liked the other woman, would take nothing to do with my baby. Every time I said I was keeping my baby and just needed some time to find my own place he would start violently gathering up my belongings. I lost my baby, I was so ill I was admitted to hospital and when I was released he told me to get my shit together and leave and when I said I wish I was still pregnant he laughed at me. He also grabbed me by the back of my neck and shoved me down to show me something I had spilled. He said it was a joke. So what did I do to him for him to tell me several times I'm a psycho? I gave him grief for cheating, I cried.. I shouted and cried some more, when he was in my face shouting at me while I was pregnant I slapped him across the face (at which point he tried to "restrain" me) Why am I blaming myself for everything?? I wasn't an angel - I know. I have him grief for his deceit alot but I know it wasn't all my fault. Sorry this is so long but tonight I've played it all back in my head after passing him in the car and here I am thinking about it all. I am glad to be away from him and his crazy family who like to dictate to him who he sees, I feel like a fool for even staying after I found out about his affair, I'm angry at myself and even more angry at how he treated me while I was pregnant. And when i lost my baby and needed someone he just left me to deal with it telling me he felt nothing for it and im a nasty piece of work!! But am I really the psycho?? I hate how he's painting me to be a monster to people at work, and our jobs are linked so I need to see them every few weeks. I'm dreading seeing them all again. Id like to add he's not a silly little boy, he's a 37yo man. Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2013): It could have been worse... As in a relative could have gone completely "psycho" and beat the s*** out of him, n got arrested! I think I would certainly have gone crazy if some disgusting scumbag tried to break my kid like that. You can't let this sick, messed up individual get to you- it's always the t*ats that cause us all the pain- they work on their malicious little games for years. You're NOT weak and you're NOT stupid, and he at 37 knows all the tricks to break a young woman like you... You're SO young. This scumbag is screwed in the head, and knows EXACTLY how to reel you in and try and destroy you. Well done for realising that "disgusting " is what he is. I pined for someone for years and let them cause me so much pain... Then hold on one day it HIT me... I finally saw him for the horribleness he was- I was going through a lot of stuff, and I reached out to help for him, and you know he could have shown a bit of compassion as I was REALLY distraught... He dismissed me and pushed me away quite harshly. I also found out around this time he cheated on 2 of his ex girlfriends, he was sending flirty messages to my friend on the down low, even though he knew I liked him, and to top it all off he was LYING and Making up all kinds of horrible things about me... And I thought... Why would I WANT to know someone like this- The thing is you've been deeply wounded and you'll feel very troubled at the thought that you allowed it to happen- but it's NOT your fault. We're human and when someone takes us by the heart or pushes the right buttons, we're toast! Lol !It's good you're getting counselling because you obviously have low self worth and getting it all out in the open will do wonders... Can you talk to your parents more? They're you're unconditional lovers, Don't be afraid to share with them ANYTHING that's on your mind. Also write a long letter, just let loose and get it all out! This has helped me before, diaries are proven to be of help. I wish you all the luck in the world! :) xx you'll be back on your feet believe me :) xx
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (27 August 2013):
 I don't think you are Psycho.
I do think you are crazy ( and not in a literal way) for keep going back to this guy. Keep making excuses for him and letting him walk all over you.
I would keep my head up high and ignore the bugger, he isn't worthy of your time & energy. And try not to worry what others "might" think of you. You can't control that. Besides most people are quite capable of making up their own mind about a person.
Be GLAD you are no longer with him. Wash your hands of him.
He sounds like a total loser.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2013): I am the op. the title of this question isn't right... I did want my pregnancy. It was a shock but I wanted it. I meant to add he also never let me have friends at the house, and he blamed me for everything, every single thing was my fault. I'm back with my parents, they have been great, they don't know the full extent, they know most of it and have helped me. I am having counselling but like I said it was all in my head last night and as someone who frequents this site I decided to ask for advice. Thank u for ur answer. I'm getting rid of the jeep he bought me, I feel like that's the last thing I need to do to close the door on this disgusting man.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (27 August 2013):
 He called you psycho so he could get away with his deceit and blame everything on you. He is used to calling you that with others, especially with his exes, so they think they still had a chance with him. You are beginning to doubt your sanity and what you said here indicates some traits of Stockholm syndrome. Pregnancy makes you vulnerable, makes you want an intact relationship even when the guy is evil. He is a guy who wants easy access to sex, no condoms but does not want to deal with consequences.
What makes it scary is that he is 37 year old. No empathy and no compassion.
I don't know where your parents fit into this but it is sad that you have to talk to strangers and don't feel comfortable sharing this with anyone else. I suggest you to change jobs. You need a fresh environment without a reminder of the past. You must not deal with this alone.
I hope in time you will look back on this like you woke up from a nightmare. When you get your life back together again you will make wiser decisions with guys. End relationships the first time you see red flags. You will be able to enjoy a healthy pregnancy with a man you can trust.
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