A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I have been going out with my boyfriend who I love very much for about six months. I am so in love with him and can't imagine being with anyone else but him. I have had this problem lately and it is tearing me up that I could even have a sexual attraction to my boyfriend's best friend.....I feel like an awful person.Every weekend we get together with a group of friends and hang out.....my issue is with one of these friends. My boyfriend's best friend( who we will call bobby) is normally the one who plans these get togethers. I have found that recently I'm sexually attracted to bobby and that it might be mutual. There have been many things he has done to make me think it's mutual but at the same time I'm not sure. I have never acted on this nor do I want to. I want to stay faithful to my boyfriend. I have thought about the idea of a threesome and brought it up to my boyfriend but after thinking about it quite a bit and coming to a mutual agreement we have never been one to be shared or want to share in bed. I do not want to act on this sexual attraction I would just like to ask for some help.How do I ignore this attraction when we see him all the time? I can't ask my boyfriend not to see his own best friend. And If I were to avoid bobby, they would both ask me questions.I would just like to go on with my love life. Any suggestions?
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (23 October 2013):
 This is definitely a tough place to be, but I think it will be a good test of your dedication and commitment. Try not to feel too awful, as you're only human and can't control who you're attracted to. The one thing you CAN control is what you do about it.
You definitely can't completely avoid this guy, as he is your boyfriends best friend. However, you can limit your time around him as much as possible. If he invites you and your bf out, just come up with a reason you can't go, then meet up with your bf later, after his friend is gone. Also, if you are hanging out in a group, just avoid being around him as much as possible. Limit your social interactions as much as you can.
Also, continue to remind yourself that you love your boyfriend and all of his wonderful qualities. That this attraction you feel is just fleeting and superficial, but what you and your bf have is real.
It's basically all mental. If you choose to steer clear of this guy, you will be fine. But if you choose to falter, that's on you. But as I said, it's a test of your will-power. Good luck to you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2013): 1) Having a sexual attraction to his friend doesn't make you a bad person and you shouldn't feel awful about it. Being sexually ATTRACTED to whomever isn't a choice, acting on it is.2) OK, the sexual feelings are mutual, is there any way that Boyfriend can sense this? Or his he oblivious? I do want to say you're doing the right thing by not wanting to cheat on your boyfriend3) Was part of you wanting a three-some with Bobby? is your boyfriend bi or would it be him and Bobby sharing you? It's sort of moot since you're not going to act on that either4) It's hard to end a sexual attraction, especially since it's sort of a "naughty" one. You CAN however make sure that you're focusing more on Boyfriend (not saying you don't) and trying to re-direct your own thinking when Bobby is around. Hopefully, this will just blow over, like a simple crush that fades after awhile.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2013): This is what being faithful means.
If you love your boyfriend, you resist the temptation. The worse thing you could ever do is cheat with his best friend.
You'd destroy your relationship and his friendship, over sex. You'd come between bros, and you'd earn a reputation for yourself. It won't be a good one.
I don't recommend a threesome. Then you've crossed the line; and you'll want his friend out of novelty and greed. You don't have to act on every impulse. That's what being committed means. It's just your hormones getting out of control.
"I am so in love with him and can't imagine being with anyone else but him."
If you mean it, prove it.
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