A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Please help I am tied up in knots trying to make a decision about my future. I am currently living in the UK and drifting which is making me feel low but I am determined that this is the year I move my life on. I want to change career and I want to invest in study as a mature (I am 36) student. My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship as he emigrated about a year ago to fulfil his dream in Oz and we had planned to live together. I have identified a course in Applied Psychology I could do near where he lives and he is happy to support me in my studies in whatever way he can (although obviously not paying for the course itself). Studying abroad is extremely expensive and this is bothering me (its £20k total) and I would not say I am 100% about the course - partly because of the cost and partly because of the content. However it is a good course and is the best for me in his locality. I love this guy very much but the long distance has caused problems between us and at times I have wondered if its all worth it - will the strain and pressure tear us apart. The dilemma (this element I have not discussed with my boyfriend) is that I have also found by searching on the internet a course which appears to offer 100% of the type of thing I want to learn (Health Psychology) in an incredible environment and I am very drawn to it - but it is in the USA (Washington state). If I was not in a relationship I would investigate this opportunity like a shot and most likely pursue it such is the strength of my feelings about it. I married young and since I split with my ex-husband I have considered the things I did not do because I put my marriage / my husband first all the time. He climbed the career ladder and I just ended up tired and felt used. I am worried that I am just following a man again but on the other hand there is more to life than just a course. The cost of the course in the USA is the same but of course I would have living expenses on top. If I did the course in the USA my relationship would be over with my long distance boyfriend. Every time I think about all this I just get nowhere and go round in circles. I have thoroughly investigated my options in the UK and although Psychology courses exist they are not in the right environment and this move is also about me really moving on / breaking free of old patterns. I am at an age which is feeling critical (I have no children yet)and so do not want to make a mistake relationship wise or other. Please help.
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female
reader, cd206 +, writes (8 January 2009):
 I'm not in the exact same situation but I see similarities between your situation and my own. I live a 2hr drive from my boyfriend because I couldn't find work when I graduated in the town he lives in. It's different to your situation because I do get to see him at least once a month but I find myself facing a similar choice between staying in my city to further my career or moving home and sacrificing my career for love. And quite honestly I am moving home because I know absolutely that being with him is more important to me than having an amazing job. Ideally I would like to have both, obviously, but it's not possible for him to leave our home city and I really want to move back.
I guess the point of that long drawn out life story is this.... I know I have a future with that guy and I am excited about it, even if it means sacrificing my career dreams forever because to me, being with him is more important. Your task is just working out what means more to you.
Cat
A
female
reader, Miss Potter +, writes (8 January 2009):
 Hi there. You do not necessarily have to break up with your boyfriend if you opt to study in America, you can continue with your ldr until you are finished with the course and will move to AU?
If you go to US there will be living costs, have you considered other unis not nearby your bfs house in AU? Maybe there is a perfect course for you also in Australia?
You can also consider studying an Open University degree, which you can do anywhere in the world, will be much cheaper and will allow you to work part time while studying for your degree. You have to be fairly organised though to do that...
As I can see you have discussed future with your partner, how does he see this situation? Is he eager to settle down or he is fine waiting for you for another year or two?
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