A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Help required regarding friends with benefits - Good thing / Bad thing.The problem is there is a guy I really like and we have been french kissing quite a lot recently and we have took things a little further but he wants me now to go down on him and he wants to pleasure me, he is very experienced (he was in the Army for 7 years and full of confidence when it comes to the ladies).He doesn't see it as a problem two people who are attracted to each other getting together for a bit of fun (he already has someone he does this with and I knew that before we kissed).The problem for me is that I am quite shy and inexperiened and he says thats ok it doesn't bother him he's just glad to be with me.I have never had a boyfriend and I'm 27 and at first I was so happy that he was attracted to me becasue I can never find someone who I like and they like me back. I really enjoy kissing him and making him come through a hand job but after it I just wish things were even a little different, we have never been out for a drink or anything, it's always at my house or his car.I should say that we work together and he leaves soon but he wants to keep in touch if I want too, he has never told anyone at work about us kissing and we have been doing it for a long time.I always act like I don't care around him and pretend he's not there so he probably thinks I'd be a good friends with benefits because I pretend I'm not that into him but I am really going to miss him once he leaves and I want him to keep in touch.I know he will never be my boyfreind but I was just wondering if he is right that there is nothing wrong if we both like each other and getting together for a bit of fun.I tried to explain that I had a slight problem with it because I didn't think I could be a friends with benefits and his reply was - Of course you can, we are both young free and single and there is no harm in it.I need some help to answer his question, I want him but I'm not comletely down with friends with benefits. I don't want to lose him comlteely, how can I say I just need a little bit more before we can maybe move on.My friends all say he is a jerk only wanting one thing which I know but I still like him, why I have no idea, he is all I think about. I am 27 (virgin) I just want to know what it feels like to have someone as I feek like I am never going to meet someone. I have been trying for the last ten year to get a boyfriend and no one is interested. I know I will probably end up getting hurt or attached but all my freinds are with someone, married or have kids, I feel like I have nothing, is it wrong to have fun, like he says. Thanks for reading
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at work, confidence, friend with benefits, hand-job, kissing, move on, never had a boyfriend, shy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (14 April 2010):
 NMN is exactly right. A FWB only works for very few women, sooner or later they want and need more from the guy. While it comes across as a great idea, it rarely is. You already have feeling for him. This will break your heart. Nip it in the bud, honey. And 27 isn't that old by the way.
A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (14 April 2010):
 No, it is not wrong to have some fun, the problem is tho, I can already see that this is not going to be fun for you!
Tho you know he does not want a relationship, and pretend to him that you are cool with this, deep down you know you are not. You want the emotional connection of a relationship more than you want the sex. Don't mistake equating one with the other.
You are already wanting boyfriend behaviour out of him in order to feel more comforbale about the sexual things progressing, but guess what, he is not going to treat you like a girlfriend.
He is not taking you out so obviously does not want to socialize with you - or he would, he does not talk about you coz he does not want anyone to even know he is seeing you, .... there are not going to be any proper dates, regular calls, sure as hell wont be any commitments, he has another woman on the go, and worst of all, he is putting pressure on you and trying to talk you in to sexual acts you are clearly not comfortable doing under the circumstances.
He just wants sex, so don't take his interest as anything special, ...I guarantee you that whilst the right guy has not come along for you yet for a relationship, that you would have them linimg up and beating your door down if you were offering no strings sex. He is not special, just an ordinary jerk wanting to get his end in and then move on.
Fine if you were up for some casual sex, but your not. You are inexperienced and should be gaining your experience within the confines of a relationship that has emotional connection where you can feel safe, comfortable, and respected enough to be allowed to move at your own pace without anyone else trying to convince you what speed that should be. Your only going to end up feeling hurt at the lack of feeling shown for you and regretting it if you go frther than you are equipped to handle right now with this player.
With the right guy, you would eventually be just about unable to resist wanting to do sexual things with him, .. not doing them half heartedly with reservations coz you were just about talked in to it.
He is not the guy!
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