A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Aunts and Uncles: I moved in with my long term (4 yrs) boyfriend in June. Things are pretty good up until recently. I moved from a different state and have yet to find work. I am a bit of an introvert, so this job search has been really a challenge for me. It really is scary to go up to people and ask for work. I feel awkward in my conversations, and in general, I have really no one to talk to about my issues. I love him, but he doesn't get that I really am an introvert. He brushes aside my anxiety like it's a trivial thing and an inconvenience. My most hated quote so far' "Oh, just stop worrying". So many times I have gently reminded him that talking to people and making friends is not an easy task for me. He got on my case yesterday: I stayed inside instead of going on the job hunt, and looked around online for work. I feel so scared to go out. I told him that not everything is as easy for me as it is for you. I didn't want to be near him. I didn't want to be near someone who can't try to talk to me or even be encouraging. I really do need his help in becoming less afraid. I need him to understand and accept my social anxiety. He thinks I'm just being lazy. So, in our mutual disgust with each other, we had about 4 hours of solid close-quartered silent treatment. It was horrible. I hate that tension. So I invited him out for ice cream. We walked there awkwardly. I paid. It was nice, but we didn't talk about the real issue. This morning he's back to being cold. I'm trying to brush the whole thing aside because I hate tension. He looks at me, and all I see is "I still don't like you, you disgust me". I asked if he still was angry at me, and he gave me a weak "no" with that distanced "I really don't like you" face. I failed him. I am not his super confident dream-girl. Help me diffuse the tension and help him understand that I'm not lazy, I just need outside encouragement. If I could afford some sort of therapy, I would do it. I'm feeling so alone here. The closest person I love doesn't try to understand. Help Aunts and Uncles. I'm alone in another state tearing up as I type this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2013): I really feel for you and know how you feel; I have both anxiety and depression. The anxiety is toned down as I'm on medication, but depression is just something that you need a superbrain to control- it really sounds as though you're depressed, and with one condition, the other is always present. I've been to specialists and read A LOT about it... Lol... I answered a similar question not so long ago and feel the advice given applies to your situation as well: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/gfs-job-is-driving-our-relationship-into-the.htmlIf something bothers someone you care about, particularly an illness- cos social anxiety does need to be treated through therapy/ medication, you hurt FOR them and you certainly don't try and make them feel small and bad. He really doesn't sound very caring and I think manipulative- he makes you feel small so he can feel important. Do you have any close relatives? If you don't have the necessity of a loving, supportive family member, or friends, you're naturally guna be quite emotionally dependent on someone, and he could well be using this against you, hard as it is to see. What's your situation?? Xxx
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