A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I have never done anything like this before but I really need some advice.The situation is that I have fallen in love with my best friend but I can’t seem to get over it. We have always liked each other but never really said anything. Though we have been friends for over 6 years it never really occurred to me how much I loved him until he went to university. For about 4 years would talk every night for hours but this all changed in his second year at Uni, this was when he became close to this girl who lived with him in halls, this ‘girl friend’ had a bf but would always flirt with him (and one point told him she liked him) and he would talk about her to me sometimes but it was not until I went to see him at Uni that I was aware of how things were. In April I went down for a party held for him and his course mates, the drink was flowing and I was sitting by myself watching how him and his ex flatmate acted together which tore me apart, and to make matters worse a girl on his course was there who had previously said she liked him, but he turned her down because the girl (ex flatmate) told him to. I was quite upset and sat alone for some time, when he came over to find me. He saw I was upset and said that me and he could just leave and not tell anyone. He told me i was the most important person there, but im sure it was in a best friend way, as i went to say how i felt his ex flatmate came over and started draping herself over him. Fast forward 7 months and now he is in his final year at uni and the ex flatmate has left but the girl he turned down is now flirting with him, even though she now has a boyfriend. These two girls have made it really hard for me to tell my friend about my feelings. I don’t want to be another girl he turns down I could not face the rejection; because we are so close I would not want to lose him, but if i told him i know it would be hard to be his friend/ We can hold hands, sleep side by side and look deep in each other’s eyes, which makes me feel I want to be with him, but i think he may like his ex flatmate so what do you think i should do? Should i tell him?
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best friend, flatmate, flirt, has a boyfriend, his ex, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (19 November 2010):
 To be honest, declaring my love for him was the worst thing I could do.
He is now distant with me, as he is scared of giving me false hope or leading me on.
I can no longer tell him all my most deep and meaningful thoughts because there is a barrier between us. I know he doesnt feel the same way about me as I do about him.
And watching him flirt and chat up other women slowly kills me. I cant do it.
I have gradually begun to distance myself from him. We were great friends but it cant be like that now. Once he gets a new girlfriend, she will not want me hanging about and i will no longer be needed.
I have to move on. And I feel stronger for it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): thanks for the help. I know i might lose him, and i know as a person i could not continue the friendship, well not straight after, if i did decide to tell him. losing him does frighten me though as we are so close, what help either of you after you spoke out about your feelings?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): If you two really love each other it will hold until the next life. After you die ask god to be reincarnated close to him for a second chance.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (18 November 2010):
I can relate to this. I went thru the same thing, only Id been in love with him for 10 years.
I finally plucked up the courage to tell him how I felt, and I genuinely thought he felt the same, and that it was just shyness holding us apart. But he didnt.
All the lovely, caring, sweet, funny and loving things he has said and done over the years were just as a friend. Nothing more.
I feel, if he has not made a move, then you should assume it is just friends.
If you really want him, talk to him, tell him how you feel. But remember, you might not get the answer you want. Could you deal with that? I couldnt and now our relationship is in tatters. I risked and lost because I wanted more and I pushed.
Some things are better left unsaid.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010): You could tell him. Maybe he feels the same way, maybe he just loves you like a friend.
I completely understand. I went thru this very same problem. I confessed my love he hugged me but said he didn't feel the same way. We are still friends. It's not at all awkward. You move on! Good luck xo
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