Unhappy in my relationship and I need your advice! Help

A female age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I am a 26 year old mother of two. I've been with the same guy for 6 1/2 years, he is the father of both my children. I chose him to be my life partner because when we first met, he was strong, supportive, loving, and secure. We've had our ups and downs throughout our six years and now our fights that we have lately are pushing me out the door more and more. We fight over petty stuff but what gets me is he trys to control everything I do. Even before I had my first child I shared with him that I wanted to beable to stay home and raise my kids until they were ready for school. After my first child he waited until he turned 6 months old before pushing me to go back to work. Every day with him was basically hell until i was forced to go back to work. The whole thing with me going to work ( I found out ) was I was to support my son myself. Buy him cloths, food ,diapers, everything he needed and he could spend his money on his bills and himself. He is still like that to this day ( 5 years later ). He is arrogant, controlling, selfish, and baiscally the oppistie of what I was looking for in the father of my children. So why do I stay you ask? For my kids. I feel like they didnt choose there father and its my resposiblity to make things work. I'm just so afraid of how it will hurt them or effect them as they grow up. Why they have two homes instead of one like there friends at school. Although there father and I dont get along, hes good to the kids ( when he wants to play the roll as there dad ) and he loves them and makes them very happy. How do I take them from that? How do I take them from there home? A place they have been raised and bring them to a place they dont know? I'm just so unhappy with this man. I have gone into councling because he thought I needed it, he spins things around and makes everything out to be me and my fault. Councling has helped me figure out what my needs are and he doesnt fullfill them and he told me hes so unwilling to change. Oh, yes, I forgot to mention hes 41. So maybe thats why he wont and I'm not trying to change him as a person but I'm just asking him to repsect me and treat me like I deserve to be treated. So, I just dont know what to do. What do I do?

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A female reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (1 July 2008):

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