A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, Ok so Ive been with my bf 4 years now. At the beginning everything was perfect. We didnt have our first arguement til we had been together almost 6months and everyone around us couldnt beleive how well we fitted. Even after a a couple years, there was still a spark.About a year ago though, I started having doubts on and off about us. the sex dwindelled and I found myself feeling claustraphobic at times when cuddling etc.Then in the summer I went to university. Decided I wanted to make something of myself, up until then Id been drifting. I picked the nearest uni to him-right in the same city so we could be together.And then just like that everything deteriorated.The doubts became almost daily and i didnt want to kiss him or do anything with him physical, despite still enjoying his company. We broke up afew times, in which he sank into depression, whereas I although not looking for it found someone else. Suffice to say, he was an ass. since then me and my ex have been close freidns again and he seems happy, he is even off the anti depressants. He is willing to forget about my previous brief relationship and wants me back, but I have been so confused I have been toing and frowing and I need some advice.I dont wana lose him forever-he is a 1 in a million. My whole family loves him like a son and at a time we had our whole future planned out. The big question is do i love him just as friend? Or is university lifestyle confusing me and pulling me away???
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rocknroll  +, writes (6 June 2009):
Not sure what is going on with you, but you must remain friends and not get his hopes up again: you will destroy him.
Do have any idea as to why you have these feelings? What goes through your head when he tried to hug or kiss you? Finding the answer to this will lead to a resolution. I think you realize it isn't him but you. The university is not the problem and you should continue till you get your degree. I hate to suggest a therapist or something, it takes one with a strong background and a lot of experience and thinking outside of the box, and there isn't very many in the world, so you will need to do most of the self discovery yourself.
First things first though, talk to your doctor and make sure there isn't a chemical imbalance.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2009): Only you can answer those questions! And if you're not sure...don't make any decisions. Give it time, take it slow and see what happens. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don't rush it! It goes fast enough as it is!
Good Luck!
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