A
female
age
30-35,
*eauNish
writes:HeyaI've been having some ugly fights. And I want somebody to give me advice or just comment.I'm the drummer for a band and at first everything was fine.They all agreed that I should be bandleader because I started the band and I tell them wat to play(I write the songs)And then. . . It was worse.Somebody sponserd us for all the equipment and t-shirts and exstra.But then she told us that we must put her deughter in the band. Well at fisrt I tought that was okay because I knew her daugther and went to the same school as her.Hell I even sung with her in the choir.Then when I heard he sing alone. I felt like killing myself. She can't sing. Really. Everybody agree's with me that she can't. So here's problem: This lady is her mom and she gave us all this stuff.Actually now that I think about it.The stuff is just mike's and the t-shirts and speakers for the mike's - that go with her daughter.So she didnt give anything to the band!!So a couple of weeks ago. We had our third major gig.We got really bad feedback from the people telling us they hate the singer but love us. We should fire the singer.So then,as bandleader, I spoke to the singer alone and told her (gave her advice) how to sing.(I've been taking singing lessons for 10 years) so I know what Im talking about. But she got all bitchy and told me that she thinks my amp is to loud and that people can't hear her sing. Oh and she doesn't like the bass-player because she says "he is fat"I was angry and told her she can't say things like that. Althought I must admit he is a bit obese,but he is a exellent bass player and we need him.I don't care about his weight.Now her mother keeps bulling me and telling me when she thinks the band should practise.And when we should play gigs. She also lets me give the songs before hand to see if it is " worthy " of her childs voice and that it is a christian song.Note: Althought we are christians, we play music like rock-POP and alternative-rock. Its not against God.It just isnt religious.She keeps telling me that If I dont do as she says she will make us fail and take all the stuff away(that we don't use but her daughter does) and that she will make sure that I cant get accepted in the church-because she runs the church.Please help with advice or tell me what you think of the situation!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2010): Don't quit the band!! Please listen to what people are saying... u are not the problem. it's this woman and her daughter, so YES kick out the singer!
A
female
reader, BeauNish +, writes (13 September 2010):
BeauNish is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thx for all the advice
Do you think I must quit the band?
Or
Must I Drop the singer?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2010): You need to get help from someone older, it's not gona work if you try fight this adult alone. It's not about the daughter even, it's purely this woman bullying you into whatever she wants by using blackmail. That is terrible to do, she should know better! But clearly doesn't.
Try getting someone like one of your parents or someone else older who has more authority and can stand up to this woman and who you can trust. This girl deserves to be kicked out the band for sure, and it's not fair that they use the merchandise against you. Try get other connections or buy your own stuff, slowly show this woman that you don't need her. Because when she thinks that you need her, it's giving her power. As for not letting you into church, you need to start talking to people. You cannot ban someone like that, that is something a little kid does, throwing a tanti like that. I can't really say much but don't let her get the better of you, you deserve to have fun with this band and not have some pushy mum come and tell you what's happening. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, BassiveMalls  +, writes (13 September 2010):
 I don't see how this is relationship related but I'll roll with this. I'm kinda in a band as well and we've never been in a fight so I guess I'm somewhat qualified to give advice on the subject.First of all "band leaders" don't work. It usually ends up having the aforementioned leader telling the other guys something one doesn't want to do and he gets pissed and he either leaves or you've got a mutiny on your hands and you're out. That doesn't mean you cant supervise and make sure everyone is playing correctly. Tell the guys that they can should have input on the songs, if they already don't. Also tell them it would be cool if they could write some songs or help you write one. It keeps everyone feeling equal and happy.As for the talentless bitch. Tell her mom that she isn't working and that you guys can't even play with her let alone tolerate her. Tell her that she can take the stuff she bought you guys back if she wants but you'd like it if you could buy it from her on an installment plan.Good luck and keep rocking bro!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2010): Oh, this is so easy. First, you were doing fine before this woman sponsored you. As she's now putting conditions on the sponsorship that you can not survive with, give the gifts back, and replace the daughter.
Go get your own equipment and go on - AND, next time no "free" gifts... they always have strings attached.
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