A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been friends with this guy for about a year, lets call him Tom. I first met him when he was going out with one of my friends. We instantly got on very well and this caused my friend to become suspicious and start rumors about us to gain attention. It didn't end well for them, he broke up with her after around 6 months. I met my boyfriend around 6 months ago and at the time I liked tom. I figured that Tom would never like me so I went out with my boyfriend to get over Tom. I now love my boyfriend but I found out not too long ago that Tom has like me severely since he met me. This means he liked me when he was going out with my friend and she was right to question him when we would hang out. I liked him all this time as well but we never did anything. Knowing that he likes me has made my feelings for him to start coming back but I still love my boyfriend. My boyfriend knows that he likes me but not that I kind of like him.I don't know if I should take a chance with Tom since we have both liked each other for such a long time and the chemistry is undeniable or stay with my boyfriend because he had the guts to actually ask me out when Tom should have. I should probably say that My boyfriend says he loves me every time he see's me and Tom has told me that I am the first girl he has ever loved.Advice would be greatly appreciated.
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male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (4 December 2010):
 Does no one read any more? It should be obvious that you need to have them fight a duel. The old ways are the best.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2010): I think Tom was too slow to the plate, and should have left his girlfriend back then, if you were the first girl he's ever really loved. He knew that then, but did nothing about it, but now that you're with a boyfriend, he's making sure you find out through the grapevine how he felt about you.. Ask yourself why he didn't pursue you right after they broke up, being the break up pertained to his feelings for you.
You say your boyfriend loves you and you love him, but when referring to your feelings for Tom, you only say you like him, each time.. or kind of like him. That's a good sign that hearing Tom likes you has quite possibly distorted your good judgement enough to doubt your current feelings for your boyfriend.
Yes, you started dating your boyfriend to get over your feelings for Tom, but you grew feelings of real love for your boyfriend, yet not once have you mentioned you love Tom, but only like him. If you believe in fate at all, you could take it to mean Tom was only meant to appear so you could be with your current boyfriend today. I'm a big believer in fate and signs, but what you make of fate is up to you.
The trouble in alot of relationships is that one loves their partner, but outside distractions cause us to question that love, or downplay it, and facing it head on in a mirror and acknowledging how powerful it is becomes more and more difficult. The best way to ask yourself if you'll be happy without an old flame or spark is to ask yourself if you'd be happy living life without your current partner, on account of a gamble. The reason I say gamble is because SO many people love each other, but when they get together, they find out they can't stand being around each other, or can't live together at all, and are forced to split up anyway. Are you willing to take that gamble, as well as give up your boyfriend? I hope my questions to you will help you meditate more on whether your current relationship is worth breaking up, moreso than whether Tom is worth taking up. There are two ways you can view your relationship with your boyfriend.. you can look up at it, or you can look down at it, but looking down at it will cause you to look up at what you don't have. That's why focusing on what you have with your boyfriend will help to answer if your feelings for Tom are worth following or not.
Good luck! :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2010): ma dear ive bin in d same situation trust me i kno its nt pretty nd its reali hard 2, bt u av 2 try 2 be strong, tink about wat u want nd the best choice 4 every1, if tom reali loves u he'll respect wateva decision u mk bt u av 2 trust urself nd listen 2 ur heart, so u dnt regret leavin ur boyfrend and goin 4 d rong guy
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