A
female
age
41-50,
*opo
writes:i have been with a guy for a months and few days. Our relationship is so cold and withdrawn. Initially I felt like he was not really into me. I am on another relationship. When we started, I was looking for someone who in future i can settle with and leave the current relationship. He (the new guy) would go on and off on me. One day he misses me and he wants to be with me, the next day he cancels our planned dates. So I was feeling like he maybe just wants to play and nothing more. I tried not to put pressure on him, so I never demanded his attention. maybe because i too am guilty. He would tell me sometimes that he feels jealous of me and he is not confident he would make a great boyfriend. We are in a sexual relationship, but I have been avaoiding the situations where I would be his sex convenience. So I decided not to demand and to just keep calling each other and have fun.Yesterday we were talking so I was telling him I do not want to be his sex convenience, then there was an explosion of emotions. He feels like I am playing with his feelings. He feels like I do not approve of our relationship, that I love the other guy more. I was surprised, because I was feeling the same way about him. I thought he is those men who do not want nothing more than just a fling. So he now tells me that the fact that I am still with someone else eats him up and he thought i have self importance issues and I have a sign of being too independant.... what does one do in such a situation...
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2008): Your post is somewhat unclear. It sounds as though you are engaged in two relationships in parallel? The first man you are ignoring, so I will, too. I will only say you are using him, as a backup here, not fair. Fair to whom? Fair to him! About the second man, it seems both of you have acted distant and uninvolved in order to keep up appearances of untouched, in case the relationship went wrong. You two are afraid of setback and hurt, or very proud. He already told you that he wants exclusivity, and as you said, he interests you more, so it is high time that you pick your favourite Jack! Do it now!
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