A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was with my ex boyfriend for 8 years. We broke up two years ago but last month we bumped into each other randomly for the first time since the split. A lot of old feelings came up. We've been casually dating and hanging out since we met up. The thing is, I was talking to his friend and I broke his heart when I left him he told me that my ex never got over me.We haven't yet sat down and had a talk about everything... He's a procrastinator and just wants to enjoy the moment. But I'm beginning to think that my feelings for him are old familiar. I feel safe with him. But I don't think that's a reason to be with someone or is it? I do not want to break his heart all over again.And just to throw a spanner in the works. The guy I was seeing this last year wants to rekindle as well. What am I going to do!?!? I love both but in very different ways....
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2014): You've had your experiences with both those guys, and it didn't work-out.
Even after 8 years of trying, it just didn't end happily ever-after. We've all been through (and are going through) the trials of single-life; and after all the ups and downs; it seems like returning to something familiar might be the best remedy. NOT SO FAST, GIRLFRIEND!!!
Stop, look, and listen to what the past has taught you. You don't have to go back and undo what you had to do to find peace in your life.
He never got over you?!!! That's his problem. He had the chance to deal with it when you were together; but he forced you to find YOUR peace without him. Something came undone after all that time. If you have to, you better dig through the archives, or hit refresh, and remind yourself.
Even if you're the one who screwed up. Forgiving isn't always easy, and heartbreak can sometimes leave a tiny bruise that never heals. You'll have to suffer for it.
It doesn't matter who the bad guy was, or why you broke-up.
You were not compatible enough to make it work after all that time. Let wisdom override sentimentality in both cases.
You're still single. So now, you're looking back and considering recycling old relationships. Let me advise you since you've asked. Dating for old-time sake is fine. Just don't get caught up in the emotions. It's sentiment taking hold, and painting a rosy tint over your past.
You're still holding some old residual feelings from the past. You always will. I repeat, don't fall-back for sentimental reasons. A sentimental journey hits us and can make us recapture feelings we had to let go of in order to save ourselves. We forget pain, until it revisits. So let both those guys go.
Tell them you've moved on; and you don't wish to stir up feelings that should have healed between you. Then take an about face, and run like hell!!!!
By the way, rekindling the romance may only go as far as the bedroom. Let that be a caveat that brings you back to reality.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (20 July 2014):
 Hmmm.. Both relationships didn't work out in the past, any of the reasons why you broke up back then resolved?
And yes you spend 8 years with him, it would be hard not to feel SOMETHING for him.
As for the guy you saw last year, well why didn't it work out?
It kind of sounds to me like you are ready to "settle" with whomever wants you.. Rather than go for a guy YOU want and who WANTS you back, know what I mean?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2014): Op here. Ex no 2 by the way came pretty soon after ex no1 ... Strongest feelings I've ever had for anyone but the guy has a tendency to lie - white lies and stuff. We argued a lot..
I know I don't have to be with either but right now I want both!!
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