A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Let's start off here:Born blonde, beautiful, thriving, I was in Pennsylvania. And then we make a huge move. My grandfather was very ill with lupus and old age, and we needed to be with him as soon as possible. No one knew when he'd go. Our plan was to only stay as long as he lived, then move back.We moved a few weeks before my fifth birthday, to Alaska. What a change! My parents were young and reckless, and had no plans upon moving here. We stayed at my grandparents house while we looked for a home of our own.Next door to us was a woman that my grandfather helped in her veterinary work. She had two sons, one just six months younger than me and one a few years older, and a husband. The younger of the two--we'll call Sam--became my best friend. We had play dates upon play dates. Our childhood was magical together. We spent our time adventuring on the wetlands or in the woods. Complete opposites. He wanted to play video games or wrestle. I wanted to play dolls and house. We met in the middle and usually decided on card games, puzzles, movies, and exploring. He wanted to be a spy. I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. We grew, slowly but surely. Changing all the time. We stayed in the same school and sometimes class throughout elementary, then ended up going to different schools in middle and highschool.I moved out of my Grandma's house when I was seven. My grandfather died when I was nine. We never left. He was always getting into trouble, I was always hearing adults praise me. He was smarter, but I got the good grades I fussed over. I stayed home reading on weekends. He smoked weed with friends. He listened to metal, I listened to Mozart. Polar opposites. He's the type I'd normally despise. Could we get any more dissimilar? Best friends since day one. His parents loved me as a daughter. His parents are the sweetest, most dear people I've ever met. But something just went wrong with Sam, I guess. He was rude and smart and not particularly charming. His best friend, Tom, was. Tom also went to elementary with us. He remains Sam's best friend to this day. Tom was the stupid, charming, handsome little flirt. And I liked him throughout my childhood. And he liked me. When I was fourteen, I announced we'd make love. We never did.Sam once told me that the only thing they'd ever fought over, was me. Sam was always playfully mean to me. But I loved it. It was what our friendship was. There was no sentimental cheesy stuff. He made fun of me constantly. Because yeah. I was the crazy girl. I did weird things, I was awkward, I wasn't funny, I cried over silly things, I was clumsy, I was endearing. Sam once said to me, "_____, if you weren't so fucking weird, we'd only keep you around for your looks." it was the closest thing to a compliment he'll probably ever give me. And I loved those boys. From age five, I wanted them to accept me. I have a scar on my right thigh from where Sam pushed me when I was six when I tried following them. I called Sam nearly everyday throughout middle school. Towards the beginning of highschool, he'd begun making crude or "flirtatious" jokes. (Sam's never been good at flirting.) Because by the time I was fourteen, Sam had admitted several times--while intoxicated (yuck!)--to being deeply in love with me. He'd deny it any other time. Things progressed as normal.I called him and cried about boys, grades, new shoes. He tried to talk me into trying weed. I refused. He grew to be everything I hate. He hung out with all the wrong people. He listened to bad music. He was so smart, but barely tried. He was immature and stupid and had absolutely nothing going for him, but there's simply no one else like him. Who else would feel so able to make fun of me? Who else would make me laugh when I was upset over silly things? Who else could drive me so insane? Who else? I'd never felt so comfortable. None of my girlfriends could fill his spot. He is my best friend. So here I am. Sixteen. Through all that. Nearly twelve years of companionship. Knowing each other better than we know our siblings. I can tell you everything about him, as far as his thoughts, ideas, feelings, favorite things. This year, we began losing contact. Which has happened before for a few weeks. Then we simply start up again. This year was different. He began outgrowing me, I think. I strive to be perfect. Teachers adore me, I dress in little oxfords and dresses. I'm president of my class. He listens to metal, smokes weed, and hangs out with those cool "hipsters." it always seemed when we were younger, I was the prettier, cooler one. But then. Maybe now he feels too cool for me. How could he be caught around little goody-goody me? (At least, that's how I feel.) I can't see him for what he is now, I feel like. I can only see him as he was at six years old. Obsessed with bionacles. A few weeks back, I went to his house to get some homework help. He helped me a lot. We then retired to his bed to watch a movie. But. I curled up to him, and put my head onto his chest. I looked at him. I smiled. He said, "I am NOT going to kiss your face."I laughed and said, "Why not?"He told me I would only get attached. I said I wouldn't. I said I was interested in other people. He said so was he. I said, "Good." and then we kissed. And nothing's ever felt so good. We touched each others forbidden spots as curious, bad children would. He pet me and kissed every part of me. And we laughed and teased and he made jokes and it was so comfortable. As if we were simply solving another puzzle. When it was done and I had to leave, there was no awkwardness. He promised me nothing would change, but it could happen again. I kissed his cheek as I usually did, when saying goodbye. He walked me to my car. I'd never felt so happy in my entire life. And here we are, almost February. And that happened in October. And he hasn't talked to me. Won't pick up calls. Won't respond to texts. I was so close to simply going to his house. But I don't have the nerve.I don't know why he would do this. 12 years of everlasting friendship. I didn't think anything had to change.I need your advice, as my reader, my confidante. We're heading onto four months of being completely ignored. And it's physically destroying me. I want my best friend back. Romantically or not, I don't care. What do I do now? Valentine's day is coming. His birthday is only a week after that.I tried talking to Tom. But he wasn't any bit of help. I just have no idea what to do.
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male
reader, 11muds11  +, writes (4 February 2012):
PS. I think you wrote so beautifully because you were so passionate about it. Sometimes, people can't understand that. I think it was lovely and keep writing. And don't give up on a good friend. All the best.
A
male
reader, 11muds11 +, writes (4 February 2012):
First of all, you should seriously consider being a writer. Really!! That story was beautifully told.
I'll try my best to look at it from a guys perspective.
From what I can see, he felt like you were a very good friend. He may have liked you in an opposite sex way near the beginning, but somewhere you became his "sis".
Even that night, though you have grown apart and are very different now, he still helped you a lot. That's a good friend as most guys would have given up to someone they were annoyed with.
From what you're saying, he tried to warn you this would happen. When you're 16, boys have a really hard time saying no, yet he tried. His natural insticts took over though.
To put it easily, I think you short circuited his mind. I'm sure he didn't emotionally know how to handle it. Also from what you're telling me, he seemed to be the leader, but you were the one who took the lead here - especially in a sexual way. I'm sure he has no way to put this into perspective.
He now has no idea what to do so he's ignoring you. It's a very normal male way of dealing with sexual confusion, or pressure from a girl who likes him in "that way".
Sometimes it's just time that heals wounds. But since you're young and both changing and you've given him some time, you might need to try something else.
First, don't do anything - I mean nothing - for Valentines Day. The last thing you need is to give him pressure from there.
His birthday: Two choices. Come up with an apology gift that says your sorry, or just leave it and give him some more time before you talk to him. You might even want to give him his birthday gift a while after his birthday, as it might make him sympathize with you that you had to keep it. It might start some conversation. (I personally would wait till after the birthday)
The important thing is to give it to him in person. DO NOT leave it for him. He'll feel you're trying to win him back and/or might be confused by what the gift means.
When you give it to him tell him you're sorry for what happened. Say it was your fault. Ask him for a Mulligan and to forget it ever happened. Finished. You might even want to symbolize this by burning or burying something from that night to tell him it's gone. Even make it funny if that's his personality. You have such a wonderful thought process, I'm sure you can think of something. Tell him you can both get over this.
If this heart to heart doesn't work, then, after another while, tell him straight up: "We are going to both get over this and we will be friends in the future and none of your ignoring will stop that". Or words to that effect. Again, your wonderful literary imagination can help you there.
No girl who wants the boy to fall in love with her would ever say something like that. It shows that you're a good friend. Even if it doesn't happen right away, it'll plant a seed in his mind.
And if worse comes to worse, and you can get him in the right position, use the old world-wide female stand by. Cry a lot in front of him and beg him to stay friends - especially in his bedroom. It usually works very well.
That's my thoughts. Hope this helps. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (2 February 2012):
 Its a nice little bit of writing there ...rather fanciful in places.
Sam might not be interested in taking a starring role in your story ...you may need to find a new leading man, one who is prepared to be Heathcliff to your Catherine, Antony to your Cleopatra, and so forth and so on.
Forget Sam and find a boy you have more in common with.
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