A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, I hope there is someone here that can give me some pointers into turning an on off relationship into an on one. I have been seeing this guy for over 2 years, we get close then he backs off, and it can be weeks before he contacts me again, then it all starts again. I have tried being unavailable, I have put him off and have tried very hard to sever the relationship altogether,telling him not to call and not answering when he does, which is very hard to do when you love someone,he is very persistent and he keeps coming back. we get on very well, we have great times together and I have been a friend a lover and confidante. He has seen other women but says they are not me, and I have dated other men. Uncannily he always reappears when I have been dating someone, and no, it isn't because I've told him I'm seeing someone. He was very badly hurt by his ex wife and will carry those scars for a long time, so I haven't pressured him, I have in the past perhaps tried to hard. This time I'm not prepared to settle for being way down his list of things to do.I want him in my life and just want to know how to turn this round and make it something good for both of us without scaring him off.Any ideas and advice will be very gratefully received thank you.
View related questions:
ex-wife, his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): See, now you saying that you acted in a way that he didn't like. I never did anything to turn my guy off. He even kept telling me that I 'maintain' out relationship very well. I really don't know any advices for you but a good talk is always good. And don't let him get away with uncertain answers. Men like to communicate like that.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your replies, it seems one or two of us have the same problem, and don't know what to do about it other than call it a day. however I don't want to, and want to turn things around. He has been around a long time. In the past my behavior has been near fatal to this relationship,So it isn't all about him, something draws him back to me and it isn't just the physical. I told him it cannot be about that, and he has respected that. We are good friends too,so there is something to build on.it's just finding the right way for both of us, any further ideas please :D
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): I just had the same situation with this guy that I 've been seeing for almost 3 years. He does exactly the same thing. He dissapears, and he appears. We don't have any intimacy right now, I finally left him 6 months ago. About a month ago, he send me e-mail asking if we are still talking. During this 6 months He had a short leaved relationship with this woman, and she broke up with him, saying that she can't understand what he wants.
This time around I sent him a list of my expectations, and said that he doesn't need to call me ever again if he can't behave in a consistent manner. When I read it afterwords, I even laughed myself. All I want from him is to call me once a week, e-mail once a week, take me out sometimes without me asking, and ask me sometimes what I want to eat or drink or do. He didn't even do this little.
We'll see what happens. I have very little hope that he will change. He also had a very bad divorce, so now he is browsing through life, and thinks that he wants a relationship, in fact he doesn't
I understand how you feel exactly. I used to do the same thing"waiting for his calls, make myself unavailable-nothing worked.
When you get a certain age it's hard to find someone you really like, that's why you always give men like that one more chance, and then 10 more chances. But this time I really don't think he will do something to convince me that I can start this whole thing all over again
...............................
A
female
reader, melonface +, writes (16 August 2009):
i'm in the exact situation. with my boyfriend, we have been on and off for the past four years, and everytime i find someone else, he suddenly re-appears. maybe it would be best to sit down and talk to him, find out where you stand in the relationship.
me and my boyfriend were on a break, but now he says he wants to be left alone, no idea if he's going to leave or not. awkward hey? let me know how it gets on.
...............................
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (16 August 2009):
 It sounds like you are seeing someone who has a serious fear of committment. I think it's time you issued an ultimatum and tell him what you've told us -- That you're tired of being way down on his list of things to do, and him showing interest only when you've been out with someone else. He either needs to be in the relationship with you, or forget it and move on. This back and forth things is not going anywhere and if he still wants to date around, and you want to be in a relationship, then it's simple - you both want different things in life so it will never work out until you both want the same thing. Good luck.
...............................
|
