A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I don't show it to my husband how much he hurts me, but it really bears down heavilyBefore our wedding my husband was really a great prince to me. Too late. We're married...and I depend on him financially now, although this could change if I move out and get a job. Ever since he has bought a new phone and a new laptop, his porn addiction which he had before marriage (which I didn't know about), has gotten worse. These days, he throws tantrums at me, and he ignores me. Also, he seizes every word people say about sex or porn..as if it excites him. He takes every oppty to watch porn, at family outings he would hide in his car. Or when I'm in the shower or in the kitchen, he would tune into his favourite web applications then erase the history. He ignores me and his family when we go out, since he's perpetually playing with his phone or whatever gadget. I'm not the talkative type, so at home it can be dead silent...and very sad coz I feel like an object. I wish I had the courage to get out of this marriage, but i'm afraid of not having a nice-home to go to, and I will miss his sister and mom and whom I regard as real family.This sucks
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female
reader, Ihurt2  +, writes (17 August 2009):
 Communicating with him is the first thing you should do. If he loves you he will get help. Your hurt feelings are just going to get worse and it's not fair to you and your kids. He should recognize his sick behavior and want to get help to save his marriage. Good luck.
A
female
reader, busy04 +, writes (16 August 2009):
 Have you tried talking to him yet? Does he know how you feel? Why give up on your marriage without trying to save it?
You say you're the quiet type & that's fine & well, but there should be a place of boldness & confidence when it comes to your marriage, you should be able to discuss the issues you're having with him before just walking away. He will never know how he's making you feel & how his addiction to porn is affecting you unless you TALK to him about it. Men (women too for that matter) aren't mind readers, they won't always know things until you show or tell them. Don't be quick to leave honey without putting up a fight, if you really love your husband (and if you know that he really loves you) & you want your marriage to work, then try again. Suggest going to marriage counseling & personal counseling for him, tell him that you're hurting by his actions. If you can tell us here what you're going through, then you can tell him the same things, I know it may be hard to face him, but you can do it!
And I know you may want to leave, but maybe you shouldn't give up until you've tried everything. So just try, and you never know he may realize his problems,get himself together & work with you to save your marriage!
Hope I helped you & I wish you and your husband all the best :)
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A
female
reader, Crazy-Candice  +, writes (16 August 2009):
 Uhhh the whole PORN thing is so insensetive! My ex was a bit of a porn addict. It's horrible... They make you feel like you'll never be as sexual or satisfying as the girls on their screens GOSH. And they can make you do some pretty strange things to act our their fantasies but when youre in love you just go for it and then feel stupid afterwards.
Lets be clear on this HE is the pervert here and you should not at any point blame yourself. Its normal for a guy to fap off once in a while but not all the time its obv gone too far.
He knows he is ignoring you for this porn. I'm gonna be really harsh now and say what I think because this issue causes a great deal of pain in my own heart. HOW can any man prefer a cold pixellised image to a real woman's warm body.
If he is not doing his husbandly duties then he is not a real man in my eyes. Trust me if you try and go allong with all this bukkake and orgy business and s&M theres a good chance you will just end up feeling stupid and degraded.
The way I see it you are a woman and you have your needs perhaps Its a good idea to take up a lover, even if it is morally wrong (hes the one letting you down as a man and as a husband and it feels like he is cheating every time he is fapping off to those whores)
Its so humiliating to know a guy prefers that but its his own inadequacy. If you give him everything and support him then its only justified that you get your needs met somewhere and if theres no water in the well... you may need to go elsewhere.
Or you could gently confront him and give him a chance to prove himself as a man. Say its upsetting you so much and you feel abandoned and ashamed of his behaviour, if he apologises you will know he is truly sorry. If he acts horrible then you will know where you stand and you will have to make a decision. In my own experience guys like him will always prefer their own slimy hands and a grotty image than a beautiful real woman because theyre rotten and incapable of conventional/traditional love/sex.
I think he loves you though. (mens love and sex is separate)
So dont assume he doesnt love you. I'm sorry my views are quite cynical and biased but I am a real woman with intense opinions and feelings! Anyway I hope you can get some realistic perspective and sort this out somehow. dont punish yourself. :) xxxx
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