A
female
age
36-40,
*heW0lfx
writes:Hi everyone. I'm 25 with a stressful job and a relationship that's all over the place. My family are very important to me, especially my grandparents as they pretty much brought me up from the age of six months old for my parents to go back to work. I enjoyed every single day of being with my grandparents and everyone probably says this, but to me, they're the best grandparents I could ask for. About two years ago my grandad went into hospital because he had colon cancer. He suffered a heart attack during his op and it was touch and go whether he'd pull through but amazingly, he did, and now its like he was never even ill. Recently he's been for scans in the hospital and he has lesions on his bladder and has to go back to hospital next month to have them removed and if they are cancerous, he'll have chemotherapy. He's worried about the anaesthetic because of his previous op. He's 80 years old and I worry that it will be too much for him. I confided in my partner of three years how worried and upset I am and all he says is, "he's 80 years old, he's had a good life!" yes he's had a good life up until now but surely that's not the point?! Just because he's had a good life does it mean he deserves to die? I'm a support worker and I work long hours and just recently, an office clerk from my company rang me and asked me to work a night shift at short notice. I said no because I was spending time with my grandparents. She then told me I was a disgusting human being because I refused to look after a vulnerable adult. She also told me she'd be taking my regular 12 hour shifts off me because I wouldn't help out. In the end I agreed to work and she rang me back to apologise for the way she spoke to me. I realise now that she only apologised so I wouldn't report her to our manager. I feel like my company are taking advantage of me and I have no voice to speak up. I never know how to get my point across. I want to spend more time with my grandparents but I cant get the time off and I cant afford not to work. I've developed alopecia in the last year which I believe is down to stress but I have no idea where to turn to for help. My family are amazing but I don't want to worry them with my problems. I don't have many friends and the ones I do have just seem to be interested in themselves and no one else. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2014): Sounds like you're going through it a bit.
What your partner said could just have been his being rather gauche -- I don't know that he meant to imply that your grandfather deserved to die. (At least I hope not...)
The office clerk sounds a monster: attempting to morally blackmail you for not ditching your family and fitting into her roster. There are some funny people around...
If your friends are few and self-absorbed, and you wish to spare your family additional worry, then your options are rather limited. What about a church? (Pick a friendly, happy one -- maybe not one of the established churches, but a little evangelical one where they try to help struggling people.) I've been helped by church-folk in the past.
Anyway, I hope things improve for you, and you get to be with your grandparents more often.
Best wishes.
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