A
female
age
36-40,
*everguesswho
writes:okay... so I have made a decision to stop dwelling on the things that have happened and really give this a fair shot....getting the trust back I mean. So long as he gives me no more reason to doubt him I am believeing that it was a mistake... and I hope he has learned his lesson and never push that boundry again. I know there are no guarentees in relationships..... but I am giving it my all now. Should something arise later that shows me maybe I chose the wrong path than shame on him not on me.For those of you who are confussed.... read my previous post:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/to-trust-or-not-to-trust-when-someone.htmlYou see... I've been going over everything in my head for a month now and its my own personal torture. Furthermore, when I entertain the thoughts and the 'what if's' it's like I'm picking at a scab and prolonging the healing process.To be fair to him, to allow him to show and prove to me he is trustworthy again... I have to try and put everything out of my mind...My question is.... are there any techniques or what have you for banishing these 'what if' thoughts? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2008): Yes, there is ways and methods that can help you with it; it is just impossible for me to explain it here; but I do suggest if at all possible get in touch with a therapist or counsellor they might be able to assist you; learn how to controll your thoughts!
Keep well and best of luck!
A
female
reader, MollyB  +, writes (21 June 2008):
 Hi neverguesswho,
Perhaps you are being too hard on your boyfriend.
He has a past with this girl and of course that makes the communication they have with each other a concern to you but remember your boyfriend once cared about this person. I am sure there are people in your past that you cared about and would want to help if they were in trouble.
Perhaps the fact that he has been kind to her just shows what a decent guy he is.
It seems also that from his ex's annoyance at being the cause of problems between the two of you that she didnt want to create a disturbance.
Perhaps she just really needs a friend, perhaps she is scared and lonely after going through such a terrible relationship with a man that beat her up.
Whilst you boyfriend is YOUR man and not hers anymore, I am guessing she still sees him as someone she can trust and look to for some support and protection.
The fact that he cut her off at your request also shows he clearly wasnt looking to hurt you or cheat with her.
I can see how you would look at his not telling you about the messages as dishonest, but couldn't it be that he simply didn't want you to get the wrong idea and be upset. Were they flirty messages? Or just friendly, take into account that he was probably trying to make her feel better and that these are too people that know each other quite well.
At the end of the day, only you can be sure if your boyfriend is trustworthy. But dont be afraid to put your faith in him.
It may well be that his ex just needs a friend and he felt a certain duty.
Plenty of people form friendships after being in a relationship and deciding it wasnt right...
Maybe you could all be friends?
MollyB
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