A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, I have a question. My bf cheated on me a while back so we broke up and I tried to see other people but I couldn't. We worked things out but the trust is still not there. What can I do to trust him again or what can he do to gain my trust back. Honestly, can a relationship work if one perso has no trust in another? Can trust make or break a relationship?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2011): first thing I would suggest is for you to decide what it is you need from him to help you build trust. He has to give some and you have to learn some faith in him. I would suggest a heart to heart talk to see what you both can do to help this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all. To be honest, he does do his part but sometimes he says that I am asking for to much. I ask to see his phone records and he dosent want to. He calls sometimes when he goes to work and during work but their are times when I think he is doing things and I ask him to prove it and he goes crazy! He says I need to trust him but it is hard. I trust him sometimes and when I think it might work, something happen and brings me back got where I started. What r some things that can help bring the trust back in the relationship?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2011): I was just told two days ago that my boyfriend cheated on me. We have been together for 11 months. He is the love of my life. He treats my child amazingly and he has never hurt me before. He spoils me. Tells me he loves me a thousand times a day and does any and everything I ask him to do. He denies having sex with the girl. She is not some random girl. He had a sexual relationship with her before we got together...which he did not tell me about until she said they cheated. She also has a boyfriend. Supposedly this happened back in Feb. Her boyfriend took it upon himself to tell me that they had messed around and made her tell me also. It was all very strange. Anyway, my boyfriend denies that he had sex with her while we have been together. He has cried and begged me not to leave. I have cried because I don't know if I can stay with him. It hurts so much and the bad thing is that I don't even know for sure if he did it or if this is just some bullshit that the other couple is trying to start for whatever reason.....or if the girl just wants to see us break up. They messaged me on facebook and told me this by the way. Anyway, I don't know if once you lose trust in a relationship if you can ever get it back. I was with my child's father for 5 years...he cheated 6 months after we got together and I never trusted him again, but he also repeatedly cheated on me. It's a very difficult situation, but I HAVE to believe that if you love the person enough you can make it work because I surely want to make it work with my boyfriend.
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male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (10 June 2011):
Yes, trust can make or break a relationship, and I don't think a relationship can survive long term without trust. People have to be trusting and trustworthy. In other words, you need to be able to trust him, and especially in light of the fact that he has cheated, he needs to show that he is trustworthy.
I think it is good that you are prepared to try work things out, and to give him an opportunity to earn your trust again. Is he doing anything to earn your trust back? Have you told him how you feel regarding your trust? You will need to communicate about it, which isn't always easy but your relationship can grow through that kind of communication.
Also, be aware that sometimes when people break your trust and then you forgive them, you can be in danger of sending them a message that they can break your trust and that you will forgive them, which lets them think they can get away with it again. You need to make it clear to them that they can't screw it up a second time, or they are done, and you need to be able to stick to that, or you might find he walks all over you. If you agree with that, you should let him know, and stick to that decision if anything happens again.
If you don't believe he is trustworthy, trust your instincts, dump him, and give your love to someone who you can trust and who will treat you with love and respect in return.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): No, a relationship can not work without trust. It will drive you insane, both of you. But can it be rebuilt? Yes, but this isn't the norm. It takes alot of hard work, dedication, and commitment on both people. You have to want the relationship and he has to want to earn your trust. He has to understand, this isn't just "kiss your butt for a while and it is fine" kind of work. It is him being held accountable to you. you have to be willing to go through the pain it causes. You are gonna be on guard for a while, thinking he is cheating if he is 20 minutes late. or if he is acting different. You have to learn to talk to eachother, and talk alot. If he wants this, he should have no problem showing you his phone, telling you when he will be home, and calling you if he is gonna be late. As he earns your trust bit by bit, you gotta give some faith. Me and my boyfriend are in this process and let me tell you it is extremely difficult. i wanna throw in the towel alot and so does he. He hates that i question things about him. I have a hard time having faith that he just forgets to bring home his paystubs everyweek and they are piling up in locker for months. but he leaves at the same time and comes home at the same time everyday and calls me if he is gonna be late. but still those paystubs, keep a question in my mind. no trust will drive you crazy over the tiniest things. Visions of what he did will go through your head and haunt you for a long time. Being intimate with him will be difficult because these visions will hit you at certain moments, wondering, did he do this with her or do that. I have to push it out of my mind and sometimes it is impossible. It has gotten better with time, but it isn't forgotten, I don't think it ever will be. I have learned to live with this. I am not as carefree with him as I use to be. I am not as loving, my heart on guard and hardened. I use to be sexually adventurous with him, this seems to have killed that side of me. It takes a toll on you to stay with someone who hurts you like that. you have to decide, do you want to put yourself through this? is this relationship worth this? or would you rather start fresh with someone else? you are very young and have no children involved,I assume. I have heard of it being done. Like i said, we are making some progress, but some days it feels like we've made none, especially when I see something that looks suspicious and I think, he's doing it again.It's been 8 months and we are struggling to keep it together. I hear it takes years to rebuild. I am beginning to beleive if we don't make some huge progress soon, we won't make it much longer. Goodluck in your decision.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): Truth is its very difficult to gain that trust back but as long as you are willing to take that risk of getting hurt again in order to be with the person you love.If you love him as much as is shown you will make this attempt .Life is nothing with out risk and some are worth it and others you learn from them so in other words i say there is truly no way to know if it will hurt your relationship or make it any better ,only time will tell and only time will heal .He must prove he is worthy of your love with every move he makes and every word that is spoken but know this at some point you have be able to trust them to catch you when you fall at one point or another trust will become an issue.I know you may belive fool me once shame on you but fool me twice shame on me and i do belive that but then again you have to give them the benefit of the doubt or else you'll always wonder what if? wish you the best good luck.
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