A
female
age
26-29,
*ightBlade
writes:I've recently started dating this guy who is 2 years younger than me. I'm 17, and he's 15.Now, I don't normally go for younger guys. In fact, for the past 4 years I have been in love with a man who is 9 years older than me. My current boyfriend knows that fact as well. Now, he is my first boyfriend, I will admit. So, I have a few concerns right off the bat.First off, the age difference: Sometimes I feel weird about it. Sometimes he is incredibly mature, and those are the times when I like him. Other times I feel like he's trying too hard to be romantic, or to live up to his role as "boyfriend". Then he just seems too cheesy and stupid teenagey for me. I love romance and all, but it has to be done smoothly. I don't know...maybe I'm picky. When he's talking about his feelings, I like him very much so. But once again, there are those times where it feels like he's trying too hard. I don't want him to act fake, or unnatural, or like he feels like he has to try. A natural relationship is better. I kind of hope that he'll mature as the relationship goes on? Second off: Subcultural differences. I am a part of, and deeply enjoy being a part of, the Goth subculture. He is NOT a part of that subculture. I'm a bit worried that maybe he won't understand how important the subculture is to me, and just WHAT it means to me. It's who I am and I don't see that changing. Ever. Period. I've loved it since Elementary school, and even when I was younger my mother raised me on Cocteau Twins, Siouxsie and The Banshees, and David Bowie. Goth MEANS something to me, and I hope he understands that. I want to show him just how much it means to me, but I don't want to shove the subculture in his face or anything. But I do know that I would love someone to cuddle up to while listening to Rozz Williams. And he doesn't seem to respond or understand that music to well. All I know is that if he ends up having a problem with the Subculture, or tries to get me out of it, this relationship won't work. I'm not giving up my Bauhaus CDs, my clothes, or anything else. Third off: I'm not sure how this relationship will turn out, or if it has a future. I often feel like he thinks that we're going to be together forever and ever, and I can't promise that. I still hold feelings for that other man, and while I do care for this new relationship, those feeling confuse me. I'm trying to get over them. I'm not sure if I am taking this relationship seriously. This also might have something to do with me not thinking much of teenage relationships in general, but I don't know. There are a lot of issues here, and maybe we'll get over them, maybe we won't. We've always gotten along before. But this is a relationship now, or something. It just kind of happened. Luckily, he understands me wanting to take a very slow approach in this relationship. Very. Slow. Thank god for that. Maybe I'm looking for a bit more mature of a relationship, or a different relationship than he can offer. My friend seems to think I'm attempting to project my feelings from the previous love onto my boyfriend. And even calling him "boyfriend" feels awkward. I have no idea. But he's so nice, gentlemanly, and I do care for him. He makes me giggle like a little girl at times. (When he's not trying to hard, or being dorky. Dorky is adorable.) I really wish he wouldn't try so hard. But according to him, he isn't. I don't know. And at this point I'm not so sure.
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female
reader, NightBlade +, writes (13 October 2013):
NightBlade is verified as being by the original poster of the question It's been awhile, but I'd LOVE to say thanks for the advice. It's been awhile since this happened, but the relationship mentioned had ended, as expected. I broke up with him a few months after I posted this question.
In fact, I now find myself with someone I enjoy spending time with. It's a new relationship, and we're in our second month. I never could have imagined enjoying another's company as much as I do his.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2012): I'll be honest, I don't think you're right for each other. It sounds like you both come from two different planets. He seems like the happy go lucky guy who doesn't ask for much in life, and just appreciates what he has and who he is, and you sound far too fussy, if not even particular about life.
Since you haven't said you love him anywhere in your post, I think its clear you already know he's not the one for you, otherwise you'd know straight away what you felt for him, you wouldn't be unsure about anything. Its possible he is just there as a shock absorber to keep a bounce in your step while you recover from the other guy (whatever that was about), and once you're past that you won't have any use for this current guy in a romantic way.
Not to mention you don't have anything in common.
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