A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi i'm a mother of 2 one 17 next month and the other is 20. My youngest is my daughter and ther eldest is my son. Well my daughter has this friend and they have known each other since they were little and me and his mum are/were friends too. This friends and his mum have never got on and she never really wanted him. When her and his dad were going to split up when he was 4 she wanted him to go with him but his sister stay with her. Sadly the dad died as he killed himself. Ever since then although her daughter and her get on he doesn't and knows that she hates him and will never love him. Afew years ago he even started self harming and tried to kill himself because he couldn't handle it and she didn't care. Hes always stopped with us alot and my daughter and him have always been very close. I did susect somthing for a while but she finally addmitted that those two were going out together. Now that was 7 months ago and at that time she assured me they weren't having sex which i believed. Hes a lovely guy, not like alot of them out there and very hard to find. He truely loves her! But now his sister is going to this posh college where she is stying and his mum is moving away. I've let him move in with us since hes practically always here anyway and his mum is going to help pay for him until he's 18. This past 2 months i've started letting them sleep together, i know they're probably going to have sex at some point whether they do or don't but i trust them. Thing is we're going away me,my husband, son, daughter n her bf with my sister and her husband and one of her friends and we've had a terrible argument about the fact they will be in the same bed. She couldn't get her head around it. She doesn't know him all that well they've only spoke afew times and shes quick to judge people. But when i brought it up that they had been sleeping together anyway so its not a problem she went mad. we all want to go but i don't know how to sort this out or what to say. We vcsn't cancel the holiday without loosing money from it. What do i do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2008): Oh my, your sister is pretty upset over this, isn't she? I am not sure you can do anything to change her mindset over this. Plainly, she has a honorable set of family values and it's likely her kids will adhere to it. It all has to do with respect, for the others that live in a home, hun. And your sister likely cannot understand how 2 underaged teens are allowed to do such a thing. To be honest, dear...I have raised 3 teenagers and sleeping together, with a dating partner was 'strictly prohibited' in my house, as well. I made it hard as hell for them to even think about 'sex' in this house...lol And you know what? They all respected my rules and neither of my older two teen ever experienced any life problems like unwanted pregnancies or std's. Under no circumstances, were they allowed to disrespect the home 'rules' and with younger children living here too, my older teens were expected to set a mature, good example. But that is what I and my husband/partner did...and it worked for us.
It appears your sister is trying to tell you, that it's time for you to be a more wiser, stronger parent and set down some rules in your home. You might want to rethink your ruling on the two of them sleeping together. Your house, your rules and that is the final word. Yes, I know, if they are going to have sex, they will definitely find a way. But why are you making it so damned easy for them. Why contribute to an unwanted pregnancy,,,which could be in your future? And what message is being sent to them. "We aren't adults but we can behave as such?' Noo, these kids need love but boundaries, structure and guidelines are soo crucial. Rules are integral part of life and the sooner they know it, the better. Tell your sister you understand her concerns, you respect them and that 'perhaps, her opinions on this issue, have you thinking a little about the morality of what's happening in your home'. That alone, will likely mend the rift a bit. And I suggest you talk to these two teens...asap.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2008): Just tell your daughter and her bf that you are okay with them sleeping together but your sister is not, so they'll have to sleep in seperate beds while you're away.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2008): no look i'm sorry it ws worded badly but we are stayiong in a hotel thats why we would loose the money if it gets cancel. We are all staying in a hotel and can't get her head around the fact that they sleep together and keeps being of with me and shouting at me because i let them do it at home. She says she hates me for it!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2008): Your sister thinks that two teenagers sleeping together in the same bed, is wrong and it goes against her ethics. Respect that. If you are planning to stay in your sister's home, you will have to respect her house rules and the values she retains in her home. If you can't do that..then find a hotel room when you get there. Your sister plainly, does not want two teenagers who are dating to be sleeping in the same bed, while visiting there. That is her perogative. You can't go into other people's homes and push your own 'wants and needs' at them. You comply. You phone up your sister and apologize for the argument, then assure her, that this will not occur and that as a family, you all respect her wishes and her home. You then sit down with your daughter and her bf and tell them, that while they are at your sister's they will not be sleeping together...end of it. The kid's can sleep apart for the duration of this holiday...can't they? Sometimes in life, we accomodate people who are gracious enough to set us up for a visit...they are opening their doors to your family...abide by their wishes and respect their home by expecting you and your family to act honorably when visiting them. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2008): hi i've wrote this question and can i juts say the argument was between me and my sister because she can't get her head around them sleeping together etc. Sorry i didn't word it too well. I had to do it quickly to make sure that no one saw meBut my daughter is no trouble at all its just the argument between me and my sister needs sorting out. Thanks.
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A
female
reader, AJ jess ^..^ +, writes (7 January 2008):
 is the problem that she wants to be in the same bed as him? or that she doesnt want to be in the same bed?
I suggest that if they want to be in the same bed togetehr let them be.. however if she wants to be in a different bed all that much then tell her she can sleep on the floor in a blow up bed, this is the sort of thing my mum wud do x
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