A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm having a lot of trouble with a woman at work, for the sake of this I'll call her Janet. we used to get on really well and I did fancy a lot her however after 6 months of trying i didn't seem to be getting anywhere and I chose to move on and be proffesional and see other people. I changed how I acted towards her and cut the flirting. After this happened I had to make a statement about a fellow colleague as he refused to do a job. He fell out with me and Janet sided with him and they all played at ignoring me as they wanted me to lie on my statement and I didn't. Since then things have been increasingly getting worse between me and Janet. She barely sits in the same room as me and she's says "she's done with me and will never trust me again". However I took ill at work and was rushed to hospital and she was really there for me. She held my hand and really comforted me. But a week later I overhead a conversation between her and a colleague and her she was saying how "I won't have and so that's why she tried to talk to me that morning" but I was apparently talking more to another female colleague(Sarah).She seemed really angry at the fact I have been paying more attention to Sarah and she was angry that I was friendlier towards her whilst talking to her on the security radio. She said she was "sick of it" she also said to my face in a joking way that I showed favouritism towards Sarah over her as I was telling Sarah about my dating life and not her. I have tried my hardest to be nice to Janet I texted her to tell her that I was so grateful for how nice she was to me when I was poorly. Yet this doesn't seem to be enough for her. I don't know what she expects from me. On one hand she avoids me and from her words she seems to hate me, on the other hand She seems to want me to be nicer to her yet I never really get the chance because she won't go near me. I really need advice because I can't make heads or tails of this and I have no idea on what I can do to resolve this as it's awful to know she's talking behind my back all the time and I don't understand her at all.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2016): There's gross immaturity going on here, and everyone seems to be losing track of what is supposed to be going on at work.
Dealing with Janet's childish behavior is disruptive and distracting you from what you're there for. To work. Let her have her petty attitudes and ignore her. You can befriend whomever you like, but when you start bringing your personal-life to work, you have to deal with foolishness like you are now. Personally as a manager, I'd fire the whole lot; because more is being concentrated on childishness than being professional and getting along.
Stop yielding to Janet's foolishness, and stop eavesdropping on conversations. Treat your co-workers all the same. Give everyone equal courtesy, and stop discussing your dating life with anyone but your friends. Co-workers shouldn't have privy to your private-life or personal endeavors; or they will throw it up in your face as Janet has. Leaving you concerned about trivial matters having no effect on your job-performance, paycheck, or continued employment.
Simply tell Janet that you'd like to get along, but you'll now concentrate more on getting the job done. Ignore her attitudes, mind your own business, and be grateful you have a full-time job in a crappy economy.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (19 September 2016):
 Either go to your boss and have a mediator step in, or simply... IGNORE her.
She seems like she doesn't know WHAT she wants from you, other than you use you as a punching bag. And I would not be OK with that.
As for her talking behind your back, that is out of your control. She will do, say and feel whatever she wants. Personally, I'd take the high road and NOT gossip about her at all. And NOT get caught up in whatever drama she is trying to create.
I don't know why you are trying so hard to bend over backwards for this person. She seems like a crappy co-worker and not someone I'd want to be friends with.
So I'd keep being professional, polite, but not let her walk all over you.
If she spreads gossip about you, I would go straight to her and tell her that is unprofessional. That your personal life is NONE of her business.
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