A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my bf now 5 months, when we started dating i thought he was just your average guy, nice, caring, sweet thoughtful..it was only week after week i would find out something new, he didnt tell me at the time because he knew i would be put off straight away and i would back off. He contantly tells me im the best and prettiest girl hes ever dated. He often refers to me as the one.. I am a decent girl with a nice upbringing and a good job, nice car, always try to look my best. Far from what he has had in the past. Firstly he had the most violent upbringing as a child, then got into gang culture from an early age, he grew up and only recently got out of the wrong people one year ago. He always says he wants to change for the better, Go down a path that will bring him happiness. Due to his past he suffers from physiological issues which he is on medication for.. i told him i understood and would help him any way i could. We both admitted to each other we were head over heels very soon, and know we wanted to make ago at things. Sometimes thought i cannot take the way he lies and messes with me head.. he will say things to wind me up mess with my head.. sometimes say stuff to put me off him so i leave him because its all he deserves!! Mind games come and go sometimes its like he has a split personality..because of his past he has done some bad things.. all he has had in life is bad luck and thinks it karma coming round to bite him in the ass.Recently i found out a girl came to his 2 months ago because she needed a friend..(i questioned perfume as he was spraying it on his curtains to make his living room smell nice!!) he told me she stayed over in his bed but SWEARS nothing happened and theres nothing to tell... i was quite upset and as he knows i will not tolerate lies i packed me things ready to leave and told him i dont want to speak to him ever again. He broke down begged me not to leave and he was MESSING saying she stayed..but i demanded the truth before i left..he said its his mums.. then he told me a girl came over wanted to stay but he refused so sent her home, changing the story i didnt know what to believe so said i needed time out to think about things. Is he lying to wind me up? which on his medication does or is he saying what i want to hear?Do i trust him? right now he is ALL i have. He is depressed, lonely has no friends and says the only thing that makes him happy is me. He looked me in the eyes apologised and said he will tell me the truth always in the future but am i a fool?Do i ask him about it once more and demand the truth before we move on?Or do i leave him? Im a strong women with a strong heart. I jut wanted to get other views before i went back to him. If i leave him he said he has nothing to live for and he loves me deeply? he wants to move on..I feel guilty because he is trying to change into a decent guy.. but lying and hurting me in the process hurts and i am not one to tolerate a boy messing with my feelings.HELP!
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depressed, move on, violent Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010): I've been down your road. You probably have a very kind and trusting heart and actually believe that you can tame the wild beast. Making him into a good man. Helping him, healing him, loving him back to wholeness.
But the truth is that you cannot help or heal him while being his lover. You did not break him and you cannot fix him. You can point him to the door of the psychiatrist's office and wish him a safe journey. If he doesn't have anyone but you, at least he will have his shrink... and a shrink is what he needs.
Guys like this can become obsessive and can implode. Like I said, I've been down this path and it can become very sick, codependent, and yes... dangerous to you.
You have very little time invested in this situation. End it now. Save yourself... you don't know that you are playing with fire... but you are.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010): Hiya
If I were you I would be thinking about ending the relationship. Its not like you've been together for ages as the longer a relationship goes on the harder it will be to go. But also this guy sounds like he needs to focus on getting himself together before he can be a stable, reliable boyfriend.
I would want to leave and give him the time and space to be his own person-he shouldn't be so dependent on you, by saying he has nothing to live for without you after only 5 months is a bit dramatic and manipulative-even if he doesn't realise he's doing that.
Be strong and let him become a better person on his own, he needs to do that for his own good and you sound like a decent person who deserves someone who can offer you stabilty and trust.
Good Luck X Hope you can come to a decision x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010): Move on, this guy is trouble, lying to you and letting another woman stay in his bed is major bullshit.
"Mind games come and go sometimes its like he has a split personality."
"Do i ask him about it once more and demand the truth before we move on?"
NO!
He is lying to you, you know this, and you want to go back to him, and all this has happened to you in the last 5 months.
"Or do i leave him? Im a strong women with a strong heart. I jut wanted to get other views before i went back to him."
If you are a strong woman, with a strong heart, then take care of yourself and stop letting yourself be used. Find someone who respects you and likes your heart and doesn't wound it.
"If i leave him he said he has nothing to live for..."
"I feel guilty.....i am not one to tolerate a boy messing with my feelings."
But, you are tolerating someone messing with your feelings, and screwing you over big time.
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