A
female
age
30-35,
*iximxnicolexx
writes:Okay so when I met the father of my unborn child, we were both immediately attracted to each other. Unfortunately, we broke up and were on and off for a while because I had told him some news that devastated him and his ego. (No, I didn't cheat, it had nothing to do with me.) Well the third time we got together was amazing in the beginning, I could tell he was finally healing, and everything was great until I got pregnant. We started fighting a lot (we always butted heads, but this was ridiculous). He convinced me to quit my job with the promise that he would "take care of me". I did and as a result he expected me to do all the cooking, cleaning and laundry, which is understandable, seeing how he was working and supporting me. But, it came to a point where all he did was whine and complain about not having money and huff and puff when he needed to spend it. He was stressed and I could tell. To make matters worse, my pregnancy was taking a HUGE toll on me. Constantly nauseous and throwing up, constant migraines, onset anemia which made me feel dizzy/faint constantly and of course crazy mood swings. I did what I could but I was ALWAYS sick and exhausted and what I did do seemed to not be enough for him, so we fought and fought and fought. I got ZERO sympathy from him. If we weren't fighting he was complaining about his depression and making me feel like a bad girlfriend but in the same breath saying "I'm so happy with you, are you happy with me? I don't think you are ..." well I wasn't. We were fighting and stressed constantly and I was having a f***ed up pregnancy to top it all off. It finally got to be too much and I left him. He was VERY angry when I left. He was saying wretched things to me, but I could tell he didn't want me to go. For a few weeks after the breakup he was angry and hostile, then out of nowhere he did a 360. He was begging for me, promising me the world, apologizing for being such a jerk, promising to get help etc. He did this for three days and I never made any promises about getting back, although I did tell him I loved him and did want to make it work, I just needed him to prove himself. He did this for about three days until I made a comment to him over the phone that suggested we weren't getting back together, just to test the waters. He got extremely upset and hung up on me. I started to feel bad that night so I texted him to come over, he declined and said "We need our space". Ever since then he has been IMPOSSIBLE! Incredibly angry, incredibly hostile, one day he wants the baby, the next he is telling me "You and that baby were a mistake, you were a rebound, I never loved you, I want nothing to do with that kid". Then he will say "I love my children (he has a 2 year old son from a previous relationship) and I will man up and do what I have to do for this baby" or "I love my child, not you, I will always be there for him but I will NEVER be there for you!". Every time we try to talk we fight(a few times HE even contacted me to talk and he just ended up talking in circles, not making much sense, and he made it abundantly clear he was VERY confused and had no idea what he wanted, but in the meanest way possible. Then we would end up fighting.)He blames me for EVERYTHING and says such awful things. He even has a new live in girlfriend, only a month after the break up and says he is VERY happy with her and his "new life" and he just wants me out. Even though I COUNTLESSLY told him "I do NOT want to interfere with your life, I am happy for you, I just want whats best for my son, I will not make this hard for you, I promise." He even accused me of wanting to get back together with him (which I sincerely don't, he has WAY too many problems and I am much happier without him, I got lonely for a while and tried to talk to him about coming back, but it was just loneliness talking, recently I had made it VERY clear I DO NOT want him back, but he seems to think I am going to "try something sneaky to get him back". He says THAT is why he is reluctant to be in the babys life, because he doesn't want me "ruining his happiness" ...which to me, makes NO sense) I just want to be civil with him for our child but he fights me every step, there is NO talking to him. If he is so happy with his life, why cant he just make this simpler and maintain a DECENT relationship with me for the baby??? His first babies mother CHEATED and LIED and they are relatively friendly now, but he REFUSES to work with me. I dont think I was a bad girlfriend at all, I made stupid tiny mistakes, and there were a few things I could have done differently, but I was very sweet to him and put up with his bullcrap for quite a while, why is he so mad? I feel he has no just reason to be acting this way, why do you think this is, is there anything I can do to try and make this easier? Please...any comments would help. Thank you.PS: I am currently 31 weeks pregnant the baby still is not here yet, just as an FYI.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2012): "I feel he has no just reason to be acting this way, why do you think this is,"My guess is he's a lying, cheating, controlling, verbally abusive scumbag who wants to string you along while using the kid as either a weapon, bargaining chip, trophy to be won or carrot on a string, whatever he deems necessary at the moment to keep you in line. "is there anything I can do to try and make this easier?"Sorry, but no. He's not going to change, which means HE's never going to make this easier. "Please...any comments would help. Thank you."Unfortunate situation, not much you can do, you let the wrong guy get you pregnant and now you're stuck, tied to him for the next 18 years at least; as sperm depositor he has equal parental rights absent criminal activity, substance abuse or mental impairment so you can't keep him away from his kid and you can't keep your kid away from his/her sperm depositor; your kid didn't pick a scumbag to be his/her father, YOU did. All you can do is be the best mother you possibly can given less-than-optimal circumstances of conception; upon delivery get a DNA test to establish paternity (to avoid typical scumbag whine "How do I know it's mine"), and once paternity is legally established then make sure a court-approved child support and visitation order is in place. Otherwise, he'll inevitably use threat of withholding child support as a weapon against you, and you'll inevitably use threat of withholding visitation as a weapon against him, and only the kid will suffer, as all kids caught between warring breeders always do. Just throwing this out as suggestion, know it will be dismissed out-of-hand, but it may be in the long-term best interests of your child (if not you) to seriously consider adoption as a way to ensure that your bio-child has two loving, mature, stable parents who can immediately provide the happy, secure, nurturing home that every child deserves and you are years away (at best) from being able to give him/her.
A
female
reader, gingerboston +, writes (8 October 2012):
Well, I feel terrible for you and from the looks of it, you've done nothing wrong...I myself went thru and currently am still in this situation just maybe mine being a little worse. It looks as if you should start preparing to do this parent thing ALONE. He doesn't seem as if he will be in the picture for too much longer. It hurts really bad, my sons dad turned on me a few weeks into my pregnancy, I've been miserable since. I try my best to stay strong for my elder kids and seven month old. Please don't keep worrying about him and taking his verbal and mental abuse, you have bigger fish to fry. Be strong for baby because he/ she is whom you need to focus on now...not going to promise you its going to be rainbows and lollipops but you'll have better days...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2012): I apprechiate your answer Honeypie. But my intentions are not to get back together with him, but to just get along with him. Ive told him multiple timesi dont want him back, i just want to be civil. He will not cooperate at all, he makes eveything complicated. If he is so happy, why is he so miserable to me? He claims to be happy with his life now (new girlfriend, promotion, ect) but he only displays negativity, immaturity & confusion. Its like he has no clue what he wants, with anything. Hes so hostile. If i was happy with my life i wouldnt feel the need to be mean to someone for no reason, it just doesn't make sense and its frustrating beyond beliefe.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 October 2012):
 Well I would advice you NOT to go back, find a way to take care of you and the baby on your own (and of course seek Child support).
It seems to me that he tries to use any and ALL kind of emotional blackmail to get you to fall in line.
Pregnancies can be hard work. I have been through 3 of them, the first was 9 months of puking, the second 6 months of bedrest and a bad case of PPD and the 3rd was lucky, easy pregnancy - easy baby.. So I have tried a few different one.
Some guys don't "get" what women go through (not that I really blame them - they just don't understand it) but to me it's not about him not understanding, he sounds immature.
I would honestly end it. You REALLY don't need that stress right now, nor ever really. You two have tried several times to make it work an it doesn't seem to work, so why keep trying?
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