A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi.I'm 29 and 19 weeks pregnant. The father was between my ex fiance and my friend but I've got the conception dates and they point to my ex fiance. My ex fiance wants to get back together but won't if I continue being friends with the other guy. The other guy and I dated back in 2021 slept together a few times and realized we were best of as friends. he works away and when he's home I stay over in his bed as there is no room at his mums place. When he's home we hang out together and also with his kids whom adore me and I adore them, we hangout as friends, go out for lunch/dinner. he has recently got a Balinese girlfriend whom I can't wait to meet. sharing a bed still happens but we don't cuddle or have intercourse, we simply just share the bed, I live an hour away from him.My friend has even offered to build furniture closer to the due date for me.my friend (the other guy) drinks a lot when he's home but despite that is a good father and a good friend, we consider ourselves bestfriends. People have ditched him in the past as they have me so I don't want to be that person because of my ex fiance.I'm undecided if I want to get back with my ex fiance as he was quit controlling when we were together the very first time for the 2.5 years we were together back in 2011. My ex fiance cheated on me, married and had a son, he is now divorced, and we have remained friends.I don't want to get back together with my ex fiance just because we are having a child together. I wasn't on the pill as I was preparing my body to try for this year in April 2023 via a donor and in all honesty I thought I wouldn't get pregnant as I had tried in the past with long term partners over the years.I completely understand why my ex fiance wouldn't want me hanging out with my friend or as he refers to him as "fuck buddy" which to me isn't the case. My ex fiance has told me I can see whoever I like but he won't get back with me if I continue seeing my friend.I have told my ex fiance that I probably won't be seeing anyone once my baby is here as I will be focusing on being a first time mum.I guess I'm just asking for advice on the situation.I have trouble with letting go of people.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2023): Basically , you don't have a problem then, because all in all you don't particularly want to get back with your ex fiance'.Exes are exes for a reason and this one gave you two good ones : he is very controlling, and he also cheated on you. I'd say this makes him a very bad candidate for a new relationship, and I would understand if nevertheless youveanted him back in order not to have to raisebyour child on your own as a single mother.But that was exactly what you were ready to do anyway , before you got pregnant by accident ! What's changed?
Have a DNA test done when the baby is born, and if turns out the father is actually your ex, let him co-parent if you both want that - but that you can do it anyway, without being a couple.
As for your friend - poor Balinese girl, if I were her I would not be happy to know that there's a woman who comes all the way from an hour distance just to sleep in my man's bed . And as a matter of fact I don't quite get why you do that , and I wonder if he is really such a great company also considering that ,in a drinking culture like yours , " he drinks a lotvwhen he's home " is probably an euphemism for "he is a drunkard who spends more time sozzled than sober " ( then again, I don't come from a drinking culture, what do I know )
Anyway I think this is something that pretty much will take care of itself, when you'll have the baby you 'll be pretty busy and most of all you will have to abide by the baby's schedule, not by that of your friends who comes and goes from abroad, so I think that in time this close friendship will become much looser and the sleepovers will end on decrease .Same thing about the DNA test , though - if by any chance he is the father , he deserves the possibility of co-parenting and must assume that of sharing the costs of raising this child.
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