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*elboy1681
writes:I have been in a relationship with my fiancé for the past 3 years and we have 2 children, the eldest who is 3 and a half is from her previous relationship and we have a child together who will be 2 in a few days time.I love each of the children equally and think of the eldest as my own son, but for the past year my fiancé and I have been living apart due to her father physically threatening to kill me if I didn't get out of daughters or grandchildren’s life then his girlfriend threatened my fiancé that if I didn't leave she would take the children from us. Yes I know that I should have got the police involved but it would be his, his girlfriends and his daughter’s words against mine Since I was forced to leave I have felt that our relationship has become strained. In her eyes I feel as though I cannot do anything right and just at the start of the summer my fiancé stopped contact with her father because she doesn't want him or his girlfriend manipulating and ruining her life, but for the past few months I have felt my relationship with my fiancé has become especially strained and very tense the atmosphere when I visit, (which I will add isn't very often because I don't feel safe because of her father and his partner), you could cut with a knife and when I go near her I seem to get pushed away; I also feel very uncomfortable when I’m around our children because I feel like a stranger who doesn’t know them anymore especially since the eldest child was diagnosed with autism, every time I go near them I get questioned by my fiancé about what I’m doing. I feel now that my fiancé has all the time in the world for everyone else but she has no time for me, I feel as though I don’t fit in her life anymore, I feel very lonely, afraid, empty and when I try to talk to her she tells me that I’m being stupid, but only the other day she told me that she doesn't have anything to do with her father then she told me that she has spoken to him and his girlfriend only a couple of weeks previously when they called to tell her that her grandfather had taken ill. I love my fiancé to death but when we spoke on the phone the other day she told me that she has spoken to her father and I asked her if she has made the right decision about cutting ties with her father and I could tell by the uncomfortable silence that she has made the wrong one, I then told her my thoughts on the matter and from what I can see I think that she has chosen the wrong person, but she then turns on the emotions and I don’t know what to believe anymore because she has told me that she is scared of him but she still wants a relationship with him.I told her that if she wants have a relationship with her father have one, because I don’t want her to hate me for making her choose between him or me, but I am frightened encase her father and his girlfriend start getting under her skin again, manipulating her and poisoning her against me and every time I want to see my kids he gets in first and ruins it for me. I'm sorry to say that I hate the man because what I have been told about him is no one likes him, he is a very self centred, bitter, manipulative, bully, who is a coward and a s*** stirrer who twist things and gets people into trouble and physically hurt.I don’t work anymore through ill health due to crohns disease, epilepsy, problems with my nervous system and depression which has gotten worse since all this hassle with my fiancés father has started. I just don’t know what to do anymore and need advice. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2009): Hi. You say you were forced to leave your partner a year ago. And you mention that you didnt want to involve the police because it would have been your partners father, his girlfriend AND your partners word against you? If your partner would have taken sides with them against you, you have to address the fact that there is probably a good reason for her doing that. Why does your partner question what you are doing when you are with the children? And why does her father `get in first and ruin it` when you see the children? Does that mean he makes a point of being there if he knows you are visiting them? If so, why? Im assuming that the children were at some risk, hence your partners family threatening to have the children removed but you dont explain why they would do that, which is quite telling.Sorry but if i were you i would address your health issues and step back from the family until you have dealt with your problems. You say your health problems have got worse since you and her father have fallen out, so some distance can only improve things for you. And stop putting pressure on your `partner` to cut ties with her father. Thats her decision to make, not yours. She obviously had to make a choice between you and her father and she made it. You no longer live with her, when you visit which isnt often she pushes you away and it doesnt sound as if shes too comfortable with you. If its been like this for a year it might be time to stop dwelling on the past and accept that your relationship with this woman is at best, one thats being maintained so you have contact with your child. I feel you cant accept mistakes were made in the past and because of problems with you, your partner was forced by her father to make a decision. Stay with you or maybe have her children taken away. She made her decision and you have to accept that and not try manipulating her. You have to let go of the past and i think counselling might help you.
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female
reader, DontWorryImHere  +, writes (3 December 2009):
i think that you and your fiance need to have a face-to-face coversation and sort this out. if her dad truly loved his daughter then he would leave her be. maybe u, the kids and your fiance should move away somewhere further away from the grandfather. by the sounds of things, you are a good man who deserves to live his life without the grandfather getting in the way!this is a serious problem so maybe you should speak to a lawyer. im only a teenager but i love giving people advice and i seriously think that standing around and giving him the satisfaction that he wants is a really bad idea.
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female
reader, DontWorryImHere +, writes (3 December 2009):
i think that you and your fiance need to have a face-to-face coversation and sort this out. if her dad truly loved his daughter then he would leave her be. maybe u, the kids and your fiance should move away somewhere further away from the grandfather. by the sounds of things, you are a good man who deserves to live his life without the grandfather getting in the way!this is a serious problem so maybe you should speak to a lawyer. im only a teenager but i love giving people advice and i seriously think that standing around and giving him the satisfaction that he wants is a really bad idea.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (3 December 2009):
 "I have been living apart due to her father physically threatening to kill me if I didn't get out of daughters or grandchildren’s life then his girlfriend threatened my fiancé that if I didn't leave she would take the children from us." (Quote)
Why do I feel like you've missed a big piece of the story out? The father wakes up one day and just hates you? Everything between your fiance you and the kids are wonderfull, but the father's partner is gonna report you to the police. What is she gonna tell the police, that you love the kids to death. When they speak to the children and your partner, what are they going to say, will they lie and say your a serial killer to make their grandfather happy?
What is going on, what aren't you telling us? There's a big part of this story missing.
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