A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi i have been married for past 5 years,i am a very simple, shy and homely girl.in this 5years of marriage we have had sex only 10-15 times. he is putting all blame on me what is is saying is that when we got married i was not his type of girl he wanted some extrovert girl i knew about that and i thought this might be the reason he is not attracted to me so to save my marriage i completely changed myself for him.he used to criticize me all the time for even minor things. i don't like to fight so i used to keep quiet always hoping that he might change with time if i will be understanding and patient.after 2years of marriage he changed little bit may be he also realized i am really working hard on it.but when it came to physical relationship there was no change at all. then i started taking initiative but never got any response.then i was very disappointed and i also started losing interest in him i shifted to another room its been 3 years now he didn't give a damn why i shifted to another room.i never spoke to him regarding not having sex life because i am a very shy girl i know this is weird but this was my way of saving my marriage.few months back when i finally asked him these are the reasons he gave me.he at the same time does not want to leave me he says i am perfect girl for him. but i have completely lost interest in him he is a nice person but i don love him at all.there is one more thing i want to share what i think is that he is having some physical problem like erectile dysfunction but he is not ready to admit this i have seen him taking tablets before sex when we were little bit close initially later i found out that was vigira.please help me what should i do now he is not ready to leave me at all and i want to get out of this marriage i some where feel we both are not wrong but there are lot of problems.now he is saying that he does not have any problem with me and he loves me but now i don't have any feelings for him i have told him also this.i really think that he has some physical problem and he knows no girl would ever tolerate all this except me and that is the reason he doesn't want me to go.pls help.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010): Hi, Your husband is truly loving you, but unable to satisfy you because he has erectile dysfunction and surely this is his major problem which you are not understanding and this problem is with many people now a days. Your husband I have the same problem of erectile dysfunction which was caused by watching too much porno or numerous masturbation, therefore I suggest you to suggest him for daily walking at least 1 km morning and 1km in evening without fail and then she the improvement in his performance and once if he overcomes from this, he will love you as well as satisfy as you want, there is no doubt, and remember you love more than what your doing now.
A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (22 December 2010):
 Why can't you leave? Do you need his permission? I'm sorry, I'm not sure about how things work in your culture.
The only way that problems in a relationship can be solved is through communication about them. You need to open up and talk to your husband. You need to tell him what you told us. It will be difficult, but he won't know how you're feeling if you keep it trapped inside your silent exterior. You deserve to be happy, but in order to be happy you need to stand up and speak your mind.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2010): WOW... this is tough. i dont really know what to say.. Its easy for a stranger to tell u to just leave but its easier said then done. I have problems myself with my BF of 4 years. We barely have sex and sometimes wondered if he too has a erectile dysfunction. i just think once they start reaching their 40's, they just dont crave sex as much as us women. I too am in my 40's and crave sex daily to the point i had to buy toys to satisfy myself since BF wont do. I wish u luck and u will one day make the best decision. Until that day u will just put up with it as i am. Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2010): No offense dear but I have gotten it more in 2 weeks than you have in 5 years! I've been married for 10 years now and Im sorry but there is something wrong here.
I would say that counseling might help you but if it were me, I would cut my losses and move on whether he wants it or not.
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A
male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (22 December 2010):
Are you sure that you can not work at these issues? I may be wrong but it sounds to me that if your husband could change some of his behaviours, you would be able to find the feelings you used to have for him.
Both of your problems are caused because you are not communicating with each other properly. You need to both learn how to talk to each other. You need to tell him exactly what you have just told all of us. If your husband loves you then I am sure he will want to be able to know how he can change.
As for the Erectile Dysfunction, I think it is important that he can be able to be honest with you that he has this problem. He needs to feel that you understand it and that it does not need to affect your physical relationship. Viagra is a cure to this problem so if he has the medication, it is not a problem.
But above everything, you need to give proper communication and talking with each other a chance. I really think that if your husband can show you that he loves you, by his behaviour, actions and physically, that your feelings for him will return and you can find that you love him once again.
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