A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I have been together on and off for four years. She has cheated on me, many times, and slept with people while we werent together. I have slept with one other person when she had moved to get away from me, and I really thought we were over. After a while we got into a fight which lead to police and a lie sayiing i attempted to stab her friend, which was not true but it was there word against mine.Even after this we got back together, i know i am a fool, for being with someone who hurts me constantly. After finishing in court I was told to see a therapist without contact with my girlfriend, she knew this and was caught stealing while she was with me, and once again I was blamed for taking advil.We broke up, and to hurt me she dated someone else, she met up with me telling me how she wanted to be with me but she wouldnt.After sitting on the phone with the boy she was with and having him make her choose between us, where she chose him, but then couldnt go through with it and once again we were together. A few days later our friend passed away due to an illness we had to get tested and she had a pregancy test. I thought I could handle this after everything else, but I cant, shes making me miserable, but I cant leave. Now she wants me at her side constantly and complains when I go out and this is only family events because she will not allow me to have friends, she is the only person I talk to other than my family. I feel horrible all the time but I cant leave and I cant explain my feelings to her or she gets upset, I want to leave without going back but I dont know how, so how do I leave this giant mess behind?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (10 June 2010):
 Why can you "not leave"? Are you afraid of her? Do you have such low self-esteem that she can kick you around, cheat on you, and treat you like an insignificant maggot, yet crawl back to her and hand over the reins to your life?
Without meeting you personally, my impression of you is that you are a very VERY sensitive and emotional person. Your emotions lead you around like a 50 pound Doberman would lead around a 2-year old. You have to take control of your feelings and turn them to stone towards this other girl.
If you have friends, parents, or other support, I'd say to lean on them now and get this girl out of your life. She is BAD for you, and she is ruining your life. the anonymous male has it right - NO Contact! No calls, texts, no friending on facebook or myspace. She can't exist in your world.
You are 18-21, and you have time and the ability to make over your soul, but if you don't make a stand now, you're going to be 41-50 and an emotional wreck.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2010): First off, please allow me to express my deepest sympathies. Relationships are difficult and it appears that you were handed a particularly painful one. If you truly want to leave her behind, "truly want" being the most important part, you need to give yourself what you have yet to obtain. Closure. You've had what appears to be a long and drawn out relationship that has gone south, but hasn't had an obvious end. You need that ending otherwise it will be incredibly difficult to leave it behind because it will feel as though it isn't over yet. It's a natural and completely human habit, and it's tough.You need to tell her that you want out, no, that you are out. You need to tell her that everything is over and done with, not so that she hears it, but so YOU hear it. After you've given yourself a clear cut ending, you need to leave her be for a little while. Few days, few weeks, few months...however long you need for that ending to really sink in. If she calls, don't answer. If she sends a message, don't respond. Avoid her for a little while.Now that that is said, I acknowledge that I don't know the whole story but I've found that closure is a general remedy for this. Also, whether or not you choose to end it now or help her during her pregnancy is up to you and it is not a decision you should make lightly. I wish you the best, good luck
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