A
female
age
36-40,
*llie w.
writes:Hi everyone. Normally I wouldn't put myself out there like this, but I am in a pretty desperate situation, I think. I've been in a serious relationship for almost three years, and my boyfriend is wonderful to me. He is respectful, sweet, and he would do pretty much anything for me. As a boyfriend, he is what most people wait for all their lives; he treats me how most women only dream of being treated. That said, I've fallen out of love with him. I feel virtually no passion for him anymore, and I've even fallen for someone else, another amazing guy, but I won't get into that. I've tried to stay and fix my relationship, but I am so bored and frustrated. I find his behavior towards me suffocating, even though we only see each other on the weekends because we go to separate colleges. I don't really know why I don't love him anymore; I think it just faded and I got bored. So finally, after months of things going downhill, I decided to break up with him. I figured maybe if I just took some time away from him, I could find that I really did need him in my life after all. However, a few hours after the break we talked, and he was a mess. He was crying, threatening to kill himself, to crash his motorcycle, to join the military...all sorts of things. He said if I stayed with him he wouldn't do those things. He said I am the only thing he cares about, which is nice but I just find that unhealthy and unsettling. I can't be someone's whole life. Anyway, out of guilt (BAD reason), I took him back. Three years is a lot of time to throw away, and I thought that maybe this time, I could try and feel the way I used to about him. But 2 days later, I felt like I had made a huge mistake. I feel it in my heart that it was wrong to take him back, that I need to move on, but if I leave him I will be responsible for whatever happens to him. I can never forgive myself if he hurts himself, so I stay. I just feel so trapped -- my anxiety is through the roof. How can I get out of this??
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female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (13 September 2008):
 You have to break up with him.
He is emotionally blackmailing you.
You ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS LIFE.
HE IS.
He said he'll do all those things, but I doubt he'll really follow through. Don't let a man do this to you.
This is horrible.
In your heart you know you deserve someone better.
Just sit down calmly explain to him that you are not happy anymore and that you want to move on. Ask him why he still wants you when you're heart is not in the relationship anymore? Why is he holding you hostage?
Break ups are apart of life and He needs to learn and deal with it.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (13 September 2008):
Yeah this happened to me. My first long term serious boyfriend, who was lovely but I out grew once I went to uni.
I wanted a break just to get my head together and he started talking about how depressed he was and how he was going to kill himself and I was the only good thing in his life.
So I had to get back together with him.
After a month of him calling and me making it clear that I was only with him so he wouldn't kill himself, he realised that the emotional blackmail wasn't going to work and agreed to break up and try and move on.
He knows how you feel now, you just have to be strong and stay with him till he gets his head together. Don't tell him you love him and don't call him so much.
Let the fact you don't love him sink in and then try again to break up with him in a week or 2.
Good Luck!! xx
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