A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear agony aunts, I'm tragically in love with a former teacher of mine. He's all i can ever think about. I find myself thinking about him everywhere i go, no matter what i'm doing, he's always in the back of my mind. I get so depressed because he's no longer going to be teaching at my school...i don't know how i'm ever going to get over him... i don't understand how i can be so in love with him, and we haven't even had a five minute comversation.. He was always shy around me, but when other students approached him, he seemed relaxed and less tense. This past school year, many things have happened that have lead me to believe that we both have feelings for eachother. I just need to get over him, but i feel as if i never will..like these feelins will always be with me. I need to forget though. I just don't know how to go about that.
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female
reader, mysterious_blonde_lady  +, writes (3 June 2009):
I'd be interested in knowing what these things were that he did; the fact you think he has feelings for you also worries me. It worries me because if this teacher was displaying signs of interest or behaving innappropriately this would mean he is not fit to be a teacher. You say you have not held a 5 minute conversation with him; this is how i know you are not in love with this man. This a possibly strong (undoubtedly painful) obsession or fascination you hold for him defined as an 'infatuation'. A possible explanation for why he is shy around you may be that you are obviously interested in him and this makes him nervous; this could be because he is interested in you or because the concept generally makes him nervous. I need more information to give you some proper solid adivce here however i can say that these feelings you are having will go away. The reason i think this is because they havent been reinforced in anyway i.e. you aren't friends or in any kind of relationship with this man. The fact that you see him all of the time does not help and the absence of him will be obviously painful because it is something you have become attached to, may be even reliant on. This fascination or infatuation has been caused by something else in your life; whether you are unhappy at home, with your friends or with school work this has served to fill a 'hole' you have somewhere; therefore when you lose this you are left feeling 'empty' once again as you did before when you sought out this obsession. You need to evaluate this situation practically; yes something could happen, still could happen between you and this teacher but you must understand this would only lead to heartache and issues in your life. Because of his status and position, this man would never be able to give you the kind of relationship you deserve. It would always be corrupted and degenerate because you were once 'his student'. You hear occasionally of relationships that work out between teacher and student, unfortunately this is a rarity and often alot of stigma is attached to the relationship. I think you need to understand why you have these feelings, where they came from, when they began and how you feel about having these feelings. I think you need to determine what is missing in your life, why you have become so attached to a man you barely know. Consider this; it is not the man you are attracted to, it is the idea of him that you are attracted to. If you were in an actual relationship with him the intensity of these feelings would fade and you would be left in an unbearable situation. Find things to immerse and involve yourself in to distract from these feelings; maybe take up something you used to be interested in before try to steer clear of obsessing over other things in your life also as that will lead to more heartache.Hope i helped - please give more information, and i might be able to advice you better.
A
male
reader, Burnt_feet +, writes (3 June 2009):
 Dear anonymous,Firstly, let me start with doing something which you're probably going to hate me for. I get the feeling that in your mind there's the possibility that something might happen between you and your teacher. I *know* how nice it is to think something like that might happen. But, well, the brutal fact is that he's a teacher and you're (or, at least in the corner it says this!) 16 - 17. I'm sorry, but it won't happen. If anything *did* happen, and someone found out, he'd get the sack from his next teaching job, you'd get the worst rep. in the world and, naturally, he probably would be put on teaching probation for years and years to come. I'm sorry, but it won't happen. It can't happen. And yes, I know how much you probably WANT it to happen. So, how to get over him?I'm one of those crazy people that thinks time heals all wounds. I know, it's a silly cliché, but it's true. In time feelings lessen, old 'flames' fade, life returns to normal -- whatever 'normal' is.Though I'm not trying to trivilise your feelings (at all!), it seems you have a crush. Remember this when he's across the corridor and your heart starts thudding at a thousand beats per minute! And, finally, it's okay to feel what you're feeling. If you didn't feel this way, you wouldn't be human. Respect those feelings, cherish them, but don't hold onto the teacher-man leaves. Burnty.
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