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male
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anonymous
writes: I am in love with a girl. Completely, madly, absoloutely in love with her. I was friends with her for a while before we started going out. We went out for a month, and then she left me for someone else. I want her back really bad, but the thing is, she is in love with this other guy just as much as I am in love with her. I know this for a fact, because he is all she talks about, and she has never emphasized about how much she loved any of her boyfriends. With me, and the boyfriends before me, she would just tell them she loves them. This guy, she is obviously crazy over. This has led me to excessive drinking and overuse of anti-depressants. I really need someone's help because I can't be without this girl. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2006): Hi there
I'm sorry to hear you're unhappy right now, I don't know if this will help but I think it would help you to try and distingish why you are feeling the way that you are.
I am going to be honest here. I think you are excessively drinking and using anti-depressants because you feel like there must be something wrong with you, you feel inferior, and you feel rejected. Learning to accept rejection can be one of the hardest things to learn, but when you do, you will become such a stronger person.
There is no place for jealousy or selfishness in true love. If you do truely love this girl, you must accept that this new guy makes her happy.
Although it hurts, you need to "let go" of her so that she can be free to be in love with the guy that she has chosen to be with. Just because she loves this guy in a way that she didn't love her past boyfriends doesn't mean there was something wrong with them, or you. It just means it wasn't meant to be for you.
Please be careful mixing alcohol and anti-depressants. I know it numbs the pain, but it is making you worse, alcohol is a depressant and will make you think irrationally and negatively, the two drugs do not chemically mix well and you are risking damaging your health. Do not allow this to go on too long, you must sooner or later face those painful feelings. Painful feelings do not last forever, when you can accept that there is nothing wrong with you, that you are genuningly happy that she has found someone else, and that you too, will find someone right for you, you will be well on your way to getting back to your normal self.
Please be happy for this girl, allow her to move on, and then you can move on. I promise you, if you do this, you will get over this and become a wiser, stronger person because of it. Good luck.
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