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male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I am 16 and a sophomore in high school. I have liked this girl for a while and we have become pretty close over the past month. One of my close friends is also pretty close friends with her and he says she told him she likes me and always asks for help with me. So the other night me and her were talking and she kept asking me questions about who I like and if I talk to anyone as more than just a friend. I figured it would not be a good idea to lie so she would think I didn't like her so I came out and told her. I didn't quite get the response I was looking for. She just said ok well hopefully we can hang out this weekend and see what happens.After that night she sort of stopped talking to me as much and I always had to be the one to start talking to her or text her. She used to start conversation frequently. Our conversations aren't how they were before and just seem more awkward.So I am totally confused with all these mixed signals and can't work out whether she is really interested in me or what.
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female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (30 October 2009):
 I would NOT confront her ever. I'll come back to why later. First, I would encourage you to take comfort in the fact you did everything RIGHT! Good for you! You have no reason to second guess any move you made. If she likes you, she behaved oddly here. Usually your tact and honesty will provide you fruit. This is an exception to the rule. Should you find yourself in this situation again, do the same thing.Secondly, her questions are standard questions a girl asks when she is fishing to see if you like her or another girl instead. Your interpretation of her behaviour was spot on. Again, her reaction was odd, unless she doesn’t like you. Maybe a friend of hers does? This may explain why she’d ask if she doesn’t like you and her reaction (distance) afterwards.Essentially, you have already told her where you stand. The ball is in her court to make a move. The reasons I strongly advise you not to confront her are many.1) You HEARD from a third party she liked you and assumed from her behaviour and questions that she liked you. She did not tell you herself. If she does not like you (changed her mind or there was a misunderstanding), telling her a second time so soon afterwards or asking her to explain her reaction is inappropriate. You’ll look like a weirdo or possibly even desperate.2) She may have felt shy after hearing that you liked her. This could have been the case whether she likes you or not. I recommend you give her some time to adjust to the idea and see what happens.3) There is a slim possibility that, after having you put your cards on the table first, she feels confident enough to play a game here. She may want you to work extra hard to “earn her affections”. Again, this is a slim possibility, but it is still a possibility. If this is the case, don’t fall into the trap. Give her some space and time and do not try too hard to start up conversations. You can start some, but don’t try too hard. Be friendly and approachable. Do not act as though you are wise to her game (if we admit we see a game being played, we are expected to play by the rules). Act as though you told her how you feel, genuinely like her, but sensed she may feel a little uneasy with the idea and want to give her some space to adjust and think.4) If she didn’t like you, you MAY have planted a seed in her mind. If so, that seed MAY grow if you leave her alone. She may be thinking, “Hmmm… do I like him?” If you allow her to come to you now, she may be thinking, “He isn’t pursuing me. Does he not like me anymore?” Asking that question is LIKELY to enhance her interest. You will remain friendly and approachable so she can make her move or give you a clearer sign that you can begin to pursue her without scaring her off.There are few dating-games you can not win with feigned ignorance, and therefore not being expected to play them yourself. ;-) That little tid-bit of information will help you for YEARS to come, my friend.In the meantime, if she doesn’t like you and isn’t going to start, she will see that you are behaving normally and your friendship need not be jeopardized. She is likely to ease up and feel comfortable with you again. Your friendship should go back to normal, this scenario forgotten.If, in a week and a half or two weeks, things do not normalize on their own, I would talk to her in a non-confrontation way. Explain that you misread signals (her questions, for example) and was told by a friend (without giving names) that they thought she liked you. You did not wish to make her feel uncomfortable and did not wish to jeopardize your friendship. You would like to go back to how things were. Make sure the conversation is brief. If you spend a long time on it, it will make it seem like a big deal and that will enhance her discomfort with you.Good luck! Keep us up to date! Happy Halloween!!
A
male
reader, Nic390  +, writes (30 October 2009):
 My thoughts on this is that you should confront her and ask her why shes been so distant. Ask her if she likes you. If she doesn't just tell her you want to go back to the way things used to be. I have no clue why shes being that way though but this is just me I would ask her.I guess wait for others to respond and get more options.
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