A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am really in a bind. Let me give a brief history of my situation. . . I work in an office setting and have been there a year and a half. When I started, I noticed someone there and never had the courage to talk to her. We will call her Jessie. Last summer I met my current girlfriend, we will call her Angie. Me and Angie didn't get together until late october. Around this time, me and Jessie started talking as friends. I always felt a slight crush for her. Anyways, me and Angie had an incredible relationship all the way up to this past february when she lost her job. After that she became distant and rather withdrawn. I tried to get close, but she wouldn't open up. I started hanging around Jessie more, and truth be told we started having an emotional relationship. Well, april came and me and Angie had a misunderstanding and broke up. That night, I was at Jessie's house, had a few drinks, and convinced her to tell me what I knew, that she had a crush on me to. We made out, and proceeded to try to build a relationship the next couple days. When we kissed, I felt a spark I hadn't felt before. It was like electricity. Well, me and the gf talked and decided to try again. I broke it off with Jessie, and felt horrible about it. I kept trying to stay Jessie's friend, which angered my gf. She lost trust in me and now we are in yet another trying to repair phase. I was living at Angie's the last month and a half, but recently she said its too much and we need space to have a healthy relationship.I don't like this. We were already having problems with lack of intimacy, as I'm a deeply affectionate and she is not, and the step back is leaving me feeling uncertain. I am stuck trying to decide, again, weather to continue this, or go for Jessie. I miss her, and I miss the attention and care she gave me.Angie is 34, has a career, owns a home, has a 5 year old daughter. The relationship she has with her daughter, and her parenting, does put a straing on our relationship as she focuses all time and energy there, leaving little for us. She is a good person, and a great friend, but I wonder if she will ever truly have time for me and is willing to do what it takes to have a relationship outside of her daughter. I sleep apart from her when I stay the night as her daughter sleeps with her. We aren't allowed to show affection in front of her daughter and rarely have time alone.Jessie is 20, works part time and is a student, still lives at home, and is a virgin. Her main thing is she has been sheltered and is easily walked on by her family. She is very affectionate, and is willing to give me the attention I need. She also comes from a traditional mexican family, which means she wants to take care of me. I have never had that and I liked it. I worry that if we were to get together, she would grow tired of a committed relationship and would move on once she saw more of what life has to offer. I am 29, work and am a student. I am a parent of a 7 year old who lives out of state. I have a tendency to need attention and affection frequently or I don't feel loved. I am divorced and fear getting stuck settling for not having my needs met in a relationship, as I did in my marriage. It is important to note that I am attracted to both women, so this is not an issue. I just don't know what to do and feel I need to decide weather to keep waiting for Angie, or to cut my loses and try with Jessie.
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broke up, crush, divorce, lives at home, move on, spark Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2010): How about not one nor the other?
Jessie: Too young, immature, a student who lives at home. A virgin from a traditional home. Good luck having her family like you (especially since you already have been divorced), they're traditional and most likely catholic. She sounds like someone that should be with a boy her age, who doesn't have kids and all the life experience you have. She can't take care of you because she is still being taken care of at home!
Angie: Sounds like she is protecting herself and her child. She's been hurt in the past, hence the lack of affection...in particular around her child. She has a difficult time opening up. If you truly loved her there would be no debate in your head. You wouldn't even have crushes on someone else.
So I say you should move on from both. Find someone closer in age to you who can provide what you want.
A
male
reader, Elheim13 +, writes (16 August 2010):
Registered, this was my question. The thing is I miss how me and Angie were before she lost her job. I have never felt that happy not only in a relationship, but life in general. The fact that she does sacrifice our relationship to overly give to her daughter was a problem, but I was willing to work on it. Since all this bad went down, I have doubts. I still want things to be how they were.
I know I'm into Jessie, I just fear that I may be throwing away something great for a crush. Just looking for things to consider in my decision. I've enever been in a situation like this and have no idea how to handle it.
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A
female
reader, howcomehoney  +, writes (16 August 2010):
 You've already decided, haven't you? You just want us to confirm it. Obviously, go for Jessie. You have feelings for her, and not really for Angie.
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