A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 28 and my boyfriend Brad is 31. I work in healthcare and he is formwr military that has a good job. He and I have been dating for five years and it has been very, very rough kn those five years. We started as fwb and I saw other people. Right before I called it off, he asked to go exclusive. He says the sex was the best in this part of the relationship but that was because I wasn't emotionally invested in him. The fwb lasted about six months. Over the years, it has been rough dating. I moved in with him about 1 year after dating (1.5 years total). He owened his own house and it was rough for him because he didn't want to give up closet space or consider changes to decoration. He promised me a room to set up my own stuff in since he has his own gun room but that never happened. He did allow me to get farm animals for the back. We have fought over the years. Last time was maybe 1 year ago. He made me cry at one point because I was pissed the ups driver delivered stuff to his work that I needed and he consistently forgot to brin stuff home. Like it was the 7th time. He bitched and said it was his house so I should get a post office box. I cried in the restaurant and then planned to get a box. He told me no because it would be a waste of money. Another time I bitched at him over something and so he told me I should move out. I forget what I was mad about. However, I ended up posting craigslist posts to get rid of my animals, texted people to look for boxes, scheduled some friends to come over to help me pack on the weekend, and scheduled apartment viewing. He apologized and said he didn't really want me to move out. I told him if he ever told me to leave (this was probably the 3rd time), I would be gone. I later told him how close I was to leaving. A really bad fight we had was about 2 or 3 years ago. The house flooded. I worked extra days in healthcare to get money. Basically 7 days a week for several weeks on night shift. His family came up to do labor and he let his one family member mow the grass right next to the camper I was sleeping in. I was already not sleeping well since it was hot and uncomfortable. Plus it was bright. I was rude for slamming the door when I came in to use the bathroom and resist the urge to yell at them. This has really pissed me off. He refused to consider my side and sided with his family immediately. This has lead to tensions with his family and I am very guarded. We had decent relationships before this.We have 't fought recently but I do feel guarded.So last year I went to a healthcare refresher class. I met Mike but didn't pay attention much to it. I was half awake during the class since I worked nights. Barely remember anything. I think I even fell asleep at one point. Mike and I would talk when he would come to my work. He works in a similar job as mine but not exactly the same role. He helped me get a second job and tried to help with something else. We started chatting this January. I found out his actual age and he didn't know my age till a coworker said we graduated together (he is 20 years older). He does have a daughter that is technically closer in my age (10 years vs 20). Around Feb we really started texting. He has invited me to similar interests. He likes doing stuff that my boyfriend physically can't do because of his back. Like things I loved doing but stopped because I didn't have anyone to do them with. He sometimes flirts but I try to downplay it. Not sure if he is into me or just being playful, friendly guy. I have a lot of guy friends so it can be hard to tell. On the other hand, I am also hesistent to even consider a relationship because he said he may try to go traveling in 6 months to a year. I don't know if he would ever want kids because I do. His kid is almost done with high school. Brad does not want kids and I feel I am kind of distant due to that reason. I am also okay with eventually being a single mother raising a child (I told Brad more or less I would consider a sperm donor after I graduate from my graduate school id he does not want kids). Anyway, this crush is bugging me. I really like Mike but I still like Brad. Brad is more comfortable, I have an established relationship, etc but I do feel like Mike would be a better partner for me. On the flip side, I don't know how long he will be here in the area and I don't think he would consider having kids after I graduate. Plus it may not work. Hence why I am scared to consider moving on.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 April 2017):
 You should not be planning on a relationship with a man when you are still in one. Stop being selfish thinking about yourself and your own needs and start thinking off the two men you are stringing along. If you are done with Brad then end the relationship, move out of HIS house and find a place for yourself. We all have arguments in a relationship, and one from a couple of years ago over mowing the lawn is really holding on to something that you shouldn't need to. Honestly that is minor compared to some arguments.
It is clear you are using Brad for a roof over your head and you don't want to be with him any more so move out and end it. Then you are free to wonder about being in a relationship with someone else like Mike.
A
male
reader, Dodds  +, writes (31 March 2017):
 From everything said here sounds like your partner is a real douche. You aren't married, no kids and he doesn't want any in the foreseeable future.
Wow so what are you wasting time with this guy for? You don't seem happy and your heart has already exited the home.
Don't entertain notions of another guy though when still in a relationship. That's wrong and can cause real emotional scars to the other parties.
Just take your time and make a decision if your current situation is bearable enough for the long haul and worth the tears and hassle.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2017): You have a lot of history with brad but I feel you are tempted to move on with your new flame because you imagine it would be so much better.It sounds as if brad may be rather domineering by seeing it all in black and white and apportioning blame accordingly.Little things like who slammed the door are non-essentials and I dont think you should be carrying guilt over it up until now.Arguements should be done and forgotton when you both calm down and not held as a longstanding grudge or guilt trip!Hence i see why mike would appear the better option.But you have no way of knowing if this is just a dalliance as it stands to be a short term event.Perhaps it is sound that brad doesnt want kids as you havent even graduated yet!Just remember that it is very easy to be a charming man on a short term temporary basis! Brad seems to be in it for the long haul.If you want to leave Brad it should be because he has crossed a line in his behaviour to you or you cant stand him any more!
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