A
female
age
36-40,
*ranberry28
writes:Here is what happened: I'm originally from France but study in the UK. My boyfriend (alex, not real name) of four years is still back in France and we managed to keep that long distance thing going for almost 1.5 years now. Last time I visited him we went to a job fair at his uni, where I met Michael (not real name). We had such a good chat and it felt like we knew each other forever. Alex forbid me to contact him since he noticed the chemistry between us(!). A few months later I found Michael on facebook and now we are chatting every day and he is so sweet, smart (he is one of the best students in his year! and has a just the most amazing career in front of him), funny and caring! I feel like I have so much more in common with him than with Alex. Although we have met only once we are planning on seeing each other when i'll be back home (have the whole summer off). I sometimes feel like he was just meant for me. Or is it just because things with him seem so new and exciting? He doesn't know I'm taken and I'm reluctant to tell him either as I don't want to squash hopes out of him.Then there is also this guy I'm dating here in the UK! Steven (not his real name) who just finished uni and is looking for a job now. We are dating for 2 months now. I know I shouldn't be doing this since I have a bf at home but I just can't stop thinking of Steven (we met randomly at a park and he asked me out)! He doesn't now I have a bf as well. We meet like every other day and I just feel so good around him! Problem is he doesn't want to commit (yet?) as he doesn't know where he is going to work (could be anywhere in Europe!). He sends me texts every day and we slept with each other only like 4 times! Should I be worried about that or does that just mean he wants to take it slowly? I keep telling my bf that I am busy with uni and therefore can't phone him and make up all possible excuses. I sometimes kind of forget I have someone at home, he bores me so much when we talk and almost everything about him annoys me lately!But at the same time I know that he loves me more than anything else in the world and that he can't wait to move in with me and even marry me! So he is such a safe but boring "option". He is such a decent and honest guy as well and does just anything I ask him for!I can't continue with all these lies I am telling the three of them but at the same time and don't want to lose anyone of them! I've never thought I would find myself in such a situation as I am normally not like this! What should I do? Who is the one I should focus on? Or should I just stick to Alex since I am drowning in false hopes regarding the other two?please help...
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2009): What a horrible girlfriend to have. You are playing with all their hearts. No wonder that one dude in the UK won't commit to you, he probably somehow senses that that would be a VERY unwise move. lol!And one comment: This other guy you think is meant for you (Stephen), how could you possibly know? You can't love three people at the same time. You would have to dedicate your time, attention, and loyalty to this guy to even be able to tell. Which, quite frankly, you don't seem to be in a place mentally or emotionally to do right now.I think you should give up this BF pretense and just declare yourself single. Single women don't have to worry about being faithful, which seems to be a challenge of yours at this stage in your life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009): I don't think any of these three men deserve to be played like this. Tell them all the truth and see which one actually wants to stay with you after knowing about all your lies and deciet.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009): First of all you are young and obviously fun and attractive as you seem to have no problem in getting a boyfriend. I think you feel you owe you boyfriend back home some loyalty as he's obviously a nice guy and loves you. However, sometime we outgrow people we love and that is just life. If you were to settle down with the "safe" option it wouldntbe fair to either of you. You would always wonder what life would be like had you explored a bit more and you may up resenting him. I think you owe it to both of you to be honest. Keeping him hanging on will do neither of you any good in the long wrong. Break it off with him as gently as possible. It will hurt but in time he will move on. And you enjoy your life, career etc.. before you settle down.
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