A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my long-term boyfriend a week ago. He was my first love, but it wasn't working as he was clingy and obsessive. It hurt every day afterwards. Fortunately I had a good guy friend to help put it all back together. I fell for him along the way, and we both admitted how much we liked each other. Yet i could never forget my ex.I went to a huge party four nights ago. Needless to say I drank a bit too much and suddenly saw my ex. We spoke and I suddenly pulled in and kissed him. I broke off when we received a standing ovation and suddenly realized what I had done.My friend, needless to say, was hurt and heartbroken. He's a very sensitive guy and felt as though I had led him on. He forgave me eventually, yet I now have my ex who phoned me and said he refuses to leave me without a fight this time.I love me ex with all my heart, and I know we could have a future together. He has his problems admittedly. When we spoke he said, "I am far far far too demanding in terms of how much time I expect of you. I am not emotionally close enough with you, which I can and should be. I suffer bouts of depression which I sometimes take out on you, I drink far too much and go overboard, I am rude and not sensitive enough, including towards your friends. I have psychological power issues which need to be addressed.Frankly I was/am (transition taking time) quite a bastard, I don't know how we made it this far. It took a break up for me to be able to confront all of this. And I want to change for you, I will change." He's now also taking anti-depressants.The friend also has problems. He is an alcoholic, used to take drugs, lies, was a womanizer, and is slightly immature. However, both boys have positives as my friend is a genuinely nice, sweet guy who makes a girl feel special. My ex is extremely intelligent and mature, is romantic, and can also make a girl feel incredible.After digressing a lot...I cannot now decide who is the better bet. Any advice?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2008): I have to agree with the other anonymous writer. You are not ready for any relationship, neither is your ex-boyfriend. No one makes changes that quickly, even with God's help. If you love either one of them, take a step back, think about it a lot and move on to a healthy relationship with someone you haven't met yet. You are very young and have all the time in the world, don't waste it on these guys.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2008): Hey, first of all.. you broke up with your long term boyfriend a week ago? And you met a guy that helped you put it back together and you fell for him in a week?
If you and your long term bf where really that serious, it will take more than a week for you to get over him and stop being heartbroken :( And while many people will help you through that, falling for the first person to be there for you.. thats called a rebound. You're just trying to fill that void with the first available person. And you trying to decide so rashly which guy you want to be with it kind of sounds like you're trying to pick an outfit. Its not fair to either of them.
I think you should take some time off, allow yourself to be heartbroken, get over the breakup and heartbreak, try to realize and learn from the mistakes of you old relationship... and then you should make a decision on whether you want to be with your old bf or the new guy. But any decision you make now is just going to be a very superficial one and not beneficial to anybody.
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