A
female
age
36-40,
*oxie Bliss
writes:So I have an issue. I have a husband for 4.5 years now. We get along fine with eachother's family, and we have two kids. Just like in every relationship he has promised me many of things and only a couple where fulfilled. Like the movie "The Incredibles" how the father was there physically but not really there, there. My husband was the same. I told him everything that went on and asked for help often. He grumbled about it or selectively heard me. Anyway after his last job I completely broke down and stopped doing doing everything, taking care of the kids, the house, the pets, and the bills. He has stepped up and took care of everything. But was still distant to me. I hate the fact that it took me to breaking point for him to do anything.Now he is at his parent's house with the kids and we are on the verge of speration. He claims he doesn't want to lose me and has tried to ensurer me that things will be better. (on a side note, not much in the sex life.. boring and he doesn't have the same interests as I do in there)This other guy is charming yes, and is a God in bed. Cares for me and claims he loves me. He is very concerned about me and my level of depression and the amount I take care of myself (or lack of.) Also selling me the same things as anyone would in the beginning of a relationship. The only thing is, is he has a Bachelors Degree in (i forgot) and has been looking for a job for over 6 months. And he is dependent fully on his gf.. messed up I know. I believe the things I want out of life, he'll be able to share if he ever gets a job. But to choose him I'd lose my kids in a way. I wont get them full custody.And my last choice is not a guy or a girl. It's me. I don't know who I am. I never had that part of life where you learn who you are, your likes, your dislikes, your interests, and build a career, become independent. I have no skills and would not be able to take care of my kids let along myself. I don't fully know what I want out of life anymore. I know I have a lot to work on myself and I intend on doing it. So the question is: Should I work on my marriage for the kids if anything and maybe things will get better for everyone? Should I wait for guy #2 to be establish and break off with his gf (which will take months to a year)that I do love so very much? ORShould I say fuck everyone else and just be by myself for the next idk 5+ years and miss my chance to make anything work with anyone? Please help.. I'm losing my mind with these decisions.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2010): Leave the affair.
Be with your DH and kids
u will love this after some time.
If you go with your affair you will regert is\t soon.
u will loose all that you have by now.
A
female
reader, Moxie Bliss +, writes (28 February 2010):
Moxie Bliss is verified as being by the original poster of the question First off the title says three but it's two boys. I love them dearly but my patients and anger management has got the best of me and I feel like they are not safe around me for now till I get help which I will do. I have no skills or money and with this economy I doubt I'll be able to find a job anytime soon. Both men love me. I've been shown in so many ways. I do have doubts about guy #2 and told him nothing is going to happen as long as he's with her. He claims he's using her for survival and he doesn't want to move back home because it's further away from me and I find that BS anyway. He claims he'll fight for me to the end. We'll see I suppose. I dont have months to a year to wait around for him. I love my husband also, differently of course but I do. I know in the bible God says that love is a choice, and I believe it. I choose to love them both. But it rips my heart in two knowing I wont have such easy access to my boys and I hate letting people down. My kids and husband, myself, or my new adventure (something I've been desperately wanting in my life)... I wish I had a remote like in the movie "Click" w/ Adam Sandler. It's not fair to anyone delaying this, includng myself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2010): the thing is u dont know urself,u can not expect any1 else 2 know ur likes & dislikes if ur not sure urself.Life is short U have 2b happy now& part of being happy is knowing where u r going in ur life& what u want 4 urself b4 others can even begin 2understand u.So i think sit back take a good look @where u r now &where u wish 2b,then finda way of getting there by urself & once u get there mr right will b waiting
Good luck
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (28 February 2010):
I would suggest the third option. Fuck everyone and work on yourself. There is a reason for this. First up, your marriage has come to crunch time, and unless your husband and you actually go to counselling and get all these problems out, it's just not going to work. As for this second guy, I'm sad to say that he's using you. He can break up with her any time. He's telling you everything you want to hear to make you stay around.
So why not work on yourself and find out who you are. Re-train in something that you find interested, go out and find some new hobbies. You could have the best boyfriend in the world, but unless you are truly sure of yourself, you will never be happy. So find out who you are, build up your confidence and be happy for yourself. Then you will meet Mr Right. Good luck!
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